OVERHAULED: Beauty and the Beast
by silvercats
Summary: Yes, the classic faery tale, completely rebooted and reinstalled with the slightly insane cast of Dragon Knights... Involves characters turning into forks and other cutlery. Insanity ensues. Enough said.
1. Chapter 1

Welcome, welcome! I know I'm supposed to update "Her Heart Said Dance", but this is just the awesomest idea ever! And if it isn't. please don't tell me, you'll burst my happy bubble. I will update the other story soon (I hope), but I simply had to type this. YAY for the Dragon Knights.

Now, read!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned here-after that you have seen being sold in stores. I'm not that lucky.

**Chapter One:**

Once upon a time, in a far away land…

Three young princes lived in a shining castle. Although they had everything their hearts desired (demons to kill, food to eat, and order and peace) the princes were spoiled, selfish, and unkind.

But then, one winter's night, an old beggar man came to the castle and offered the princes a single light flower in return for shelter from the bitter cold.

Repulsed by his haggard appearance, the princes sneered at the gift and turned the old man away. But he warned them not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.

And when they dismissed him again, the old man's ugliness melted away to reveal a handsome enchanter. The princes tried to apologize, but it was too late, for he had seen that there was no love in their hearts. As punishment, he turned them into hideous beasts, and placed a powerful spell upon the castle and all who lived there.

Ashamed at their monstrous forms, the beasts concealed themselves inside their castle with a magic mirror as their only window to the outside world.

The light flower he had offered was truly an enchanted flower, which would bloom for many years. If they could learn to love another, and earn their love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, they would be doomed to remain beasts for all time.

As the years passed, they fell into despair and lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast?

o.O

"Please, a room to stay for just this one night," the man begged, drawing a small child closer to try to warm him. "I'll give you this gift," he pleaded, holding out a beautiful light flower. The three princes looked at each other and then one turned back to the old man.

"Do you have any treasure?"

The old man scoffed and shook his head, and the questioner turned back to the others.

"Nope, I say turn her out."

One fiddled with the tips of his hair. "I don't know-"

The other one looked at them both as if they were crazy. "He smells like a yokai, but a weak one at that. I agree." His haughty expression showed no mercy, and they shut the door in the old man's face.

A man with turquoise hair walked by in time to hear the door shut. "What's going on?" he asked strictly, eyeing the last prince. "Uhh…nothing, just a solicitor." The first prince waved him off, and the green haired man shrugged and continued on his way.

There was another knocking at the door, and the second, indecisive prince opened it again, to find the old man and his kid still on the doorstep.

"Do not be deceived by appearances," he warned. But- "We said no!" the first prince said again, and went to shut the door again, but the old man, in a cloud of ashes, disappeared; in his place was a white haired man with two birds on his shoulders.

"Uh uh uh…" he shook a finger at them, and delicately blew a cloud of ashes at them. As the ashes touched them, they doubled over as if in pain, and fell to the ground. The enchanter, for that was his true identity, said, "You must earn true love to end this spell- if you don't by the time this flower dies, you'll remain as you are forever." He then disappeared with the small-human-who-is-not-a-child, leaving the princes to their dooms.

Halfway down the hallway and just out of earshot, the teal-haired man stopped suddenly as a thought occurred to him. "Wait a minute, we don't get solicitors here! Get back here you three!" and just as he was about to spin on his heels and begin another tirade, a strong pressure came over him and he keeled over, unconscious.

o.O

"Wow… this castle looks so much bigger now…" were the first thoughts to cross Alfeegi's mind as he regained consciousness. "In fact…" he made the mistake of looking down and nearly passed out as he took in the highly unlikely but still vaguely possible fact that his body now resembled a small grandfather clock about a foot tall.

Instead of being nice and quiet though, he screeched and went flying down the hall as fast as his stumpy legs could carry him. Which was not fast at all.

"My lord, MY LORD!"

He burst into the room that he had been headed to before he caught Rath, Rune, and Thatz doing something suspicious near the doorway, and was dumbfounded again as he took in another highly unlikely scene that made him think his brain had left him unannounced for a trip to the Bahamas.

Where Lord Lykouleon, Queen Raseleane, Ruwalk, Kaistern, Tetheus, Cernozura, Reema (she decided to drop in for tea), Crewger, Zoma, and Ringleys had been moments before were an old style beer mug, teapot, candlestick, coat rack, fork, wardrobe, feather duster, ottoman, and two teacups. Which, strangely enough, still somewhat resembled the people they had once been. It was quite a weird arrangement.

Tetheus spoke up at this point in his calm, composed manner. "My lord, I will find whoever put this spell on us and get it lifted right away." Lykouleon, with an expression of doubt that looked odd on his beer mug face, said in a most un-kingly way, "Dude, you're a _fork_."

Alfeegi nearly burst into frustrated tears at this point. "But, Lord Lykouleon, you're a BEER MUG! Out of all things, a beer-mug!" he broke down into tears in the corner. Lykouleon shrugged. "Actually, I really don't mind that much…it's better than being a fork."

Crewger thought it was most amusing to run around in circles chasing the fringe around the edging of the ottoman he had become, and Tetheus-the-fork, Reema-the-feather-duster, and Ringleys-and-Zoma-the-tea-cups had to frequently scurry out of the way to avoid being trampled and or run over (if those are two different things).

Through all of this, Lykouleon and Raseleane sat/stood (whatever they do) together, an unlikely pair-a beer mug and a teapot- before Ruwalk wondered out loud, "I wonder what happened to everyone else?" To their amusement, and Alfeegi's further horror, the visiting faerie lights ad become really cheerful and peppy napkins that insisted on dancing and talking in their shrill voices.

Then, to everyone's amusement, including Alfeegi who had to admit that this was awesomely funny, the dragon fighters, normally led by Tetheus, had been reduced to the content's of one's silverware drawer. Instead of the massively impressive army of the dragon lord, Tetheus now lead legions of the finest silver cutlery in the world. It was, in Tetheus' mind, quite embarrassing.

Unfortunately, Enchanter Kharl had not been so kind to poor Rath, Thatz, and Rune.

And darkness descended upon the castle.

-10 Years Later…and perhaps some odd months-

Come on! I really want to return this book!" Tintlett, one of three foster sisters, led her sibs over a bridge. She and her foster sisters Cesia and Kitchel, lived together in an old house on the edge of town, and were on their way into town on errands on this bright sunny morning.

"Little town- it's a quiet village," commented Cesia, who was following Tintlett.

"Every day's like the one before," scoffed Kitchel, who, being the adventurous and a bit reckless one would rather have been anywhere but here at this specific moment. Tintlett paused as she looked over the outstretched town in front of them, for the moment silent and deserted.

"Little town, full of little people…" she began walking down what constituted as main street out here in the farming area, "waking up to say…" Windows opened, and various townspeople greeted them.

Delte: Bonjour!

Pyore: Bonjour!

Gil: Bonjour!

Laamgarnas: Bonjour!

Bierrez: Bonjour! (A/n- I just got a mental image of Bierrez in a bonnet. o.O)

A man wheeling a cart of baked goods caught Kitchel's attention, and she followed it, stating, "There goes the baker with his tray like always!" but, upon finding that there were no new foods to try, added remorsefully, "the same old bread and rolls to sell...every morning just the same, since the morning that we came, to this poor provincial town…"

Tintlett, not really paying attention to the happenings around her while she was pondering the next book she would borrow, was surprised when the baker greeted her.

"Good morning miss!"

"Oh, good morning Sir!" she changed grips on the book she was holding as the baker inquired,

"Where are you off to?"

Tintlett brightened and explained happily, "The bookshop! I just finished the most wonderful story about a beanstalk…" she began to ramble, and Laamgarnas-the-baker smiled distantly and nodded vaguely,

"That's nice,"

"and an ogre…" Tintlett barreled on.

Laam sweat dropped. "Gil, the baguettes, hurry up!"

Cesia noticed Tintlett off in la-la-land and grabbed her by the wrist, towing her off downtown. Kitchel, her whole reason for coming along being so she could pick up gossip and…a few other things…stayed behind when she heard some people gossiping on the corner. Waiting discreetly nearby, she heard,

"Look there they go those girls are strange no question, dazed and distracted can't you tell?" Delte piped in at this part, "never part of any crowd," and Barl interjected on his way past, "Cause her head's up on some cloud," "No denying they are funny characters…" (A/n ok that _was_ lame, but I couldn't think up anything else that fit the phrasing of the…phrase. Forgive me?)

Garfakcy was walking by and noticed Saabel. Being the nice little-human-who-is-not-a-child that he is, he greeted the demon. "Bonjour!"

Saabel looked up at this, responding "Good day!" and just for extra brownie points, Garfakcy added, "How is your family?" Saabel looked pleased at this question, as it showed the depth that Garfakcy cared (a/n-he's a shallow puddle Saabel!) and Garfakcy hurried off to find a bush behind which he could be violently sick.

Cesia missed this whole exchange as she looked at some fresh vegetables that were on sale, but she was privy to the next discussion.

"Bonjour," Silk (who is simply making a cameo appearance here, and will also appear later) greeted Kharl-the-alchemistic-enchanter-who-had-become-a-farmer-to-confuse-the-audience-and-because-the-authoress-said-so, and looked at some of the peaches he was selling.

Kharl, noting her uncanny resemblance to the faeries he was trying to capture for his dastardly deeds, replied with an expression akin to a leer that disturbed Silk somewhat, "Good day," and Silk left hurriedly with a scathing "How is your wife?", leaving Kharl wondering, "I didn't know I was married…maybe I forgot…or turned her into a demon to further my own purposes…I forget…Garfakcy!"

He wandered off in search of his little minion and left his stall abandoned, so Kitchel came by and had a snack- "hey, they're free!" Kitchel then almost tripped over a chicken that ran under her feet, yelling at it that it made her drop her peach, and nearly got flattened by Shyrendora, who was screeching,

"I need six eggs!" (Why, we may never know…) followed by Shydeman berating, "That's too expensive!"

At risk of her life, Kitchel decided to move out of the way of the demons-on-rampage, and decided to sit on the edge of the town fountain, muttering, "There must be more than this provincial life!"

Tintlett, at this point parting from Cesia, walked up to the bookshop door, reaching it as Shyrendora sped down the road behind her in hot pursuit of the chicken. The blonde was oblivious to her near-miss with the chicken hunter.

"Good morning Tintlett," an old man who resembled the faerie elder ran the bookshop, one of Tintlett's favorite places. "Good morning Sir, I've just come to return the book I borrowed," she handed the book back to him, already heading towards a nearby shelf. Really, she had a one track mind.

"Finished already!" Tintlett paused halfway up the ladder, from which she could read the title's of the books on the highest shelf. "I couldn't put it down!" she glanced at the shelf. "Did you get anything new?" the faerie elder- I mean, _librarian_, chuckled.

"Not since yesterday." Tintlett frowned and muttered as she contemplated the selection of books, "that's alright," before plucking one from the shelf, "I'll borrow this one!" She hopped down and showed it to the librarian.

"But you've read it twice!" he exclaimed, while Tintlett smiled. "Well, it's my favorite!" she twirled in place as she explained, "with far-off places, daring swordfights, magic spells, and a prince in disguise!"

The faerie elder smiled at her blatant enthusiasm. "Well, if you like it all that much, it's yours."

"But Sir!"

"I insist!" Tintlett curtsied, "thank you very much!" Tintlett hurried out to tell her sisters of her good fortune.

A bunch of men watched her exit the shop, near a bunch of village children including Fiji playing jump rope, while finishing off yet another drink.

Interestingly enough, they seemed to resemble the dragon fighters that Thatz continually gambled with in the series, but that's (ha-ha a _really_ bad unintentional pun) neither here nor there.

"Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar," one pointed out Tintlett over Pyore's head, who had joined their conversation about the condition of the stock market (they were really drunk). Tintlett had just walked into a wall as she misjudged the distance between it and herself, which she couldn't see because she was already immersed in her new book.

Pyore scoffed at the blissful expression on the elf-girl's face, muttering, "With a dreamy far off look," "and her nose stuck in a book," another added, "What a puzzled to the rest of us is Tintlett…"

Again, literally running into the fountain, Tintlett held the book out to Kitchel's face, so close that all the little words looked like little bugs. "Oh, isn't this amazing? It's my favorite part because-you'll see," she brought the book away from Kitchel's face so the other girl could breathe and flipped through the pages, on which she pointed something out to Cesia, who chose that moment to walk up behind her, "Here's where she meets prince charming, but she won't discover that it's him till chapter three!" Cesia smiled indulgently…until Tintlett looked away; there would be no getting any rational words from her blonde sister until the girl had finished her book.

Meanwhile, a vain Lim Kaana remarks, glaring at the blonde, "Now it's no wonder that her nick-name's beauty, her looks have got no parallel," Bierrez, peering over her shoulder to glance at himself in her mirror, with which she was primping herself, reminded her, "but behind their fair facades, I'm afraid they're rather odd," which signaled other's to open their shutters and tell the both of them, "they're nothing like the rest of us, yes, different from the rest of us!"

A shot rings out over their heads, and everyone quickly withdraws at risk of damage, and Shydeman runs into the square, scrambling in circles as he tries to catch a bird shot from the sky, which he sadly misses. Grabbing it from its landing spot next to him and shoving it in the game-bag he's bearing, he yells, "I got it Nadil!"

Enter the demon lord, tossing his hair over his shoulders, to the delight of the many fan girls- I mean, villagers-on scene. "Aww, you never miss a shot Nadil! You're the greatest hunter in the whole world!"

This obvious brownnosing causes Bierrez to toss his cookies, but Nadil says, "I know." Shydeman takes this as a cue to continue. "No beast alive stands a chance against you-and no girl for that matter." Nadil preened at his reflection in the bottom of a pot hanging from the tin-man's wagon.

"It's true, Shydeman, and I've got my sights set on that one," he said pointing to Cesia. "Nohiro's adopted sister?" Shydeman squeaked, referencing the faerie obsessed boy that had taken the girl's in as his younger sibs years before. "She's the one, the lucky girl I am going to marry!" Nadil announced to the world at large, and Shydeman protested weakly, "But-but, she's-" "The most beautiful girl in town!" Nadil ran over Shydeman. "I know, but-" "that makes her the best, and-" Nadil bent in close to his minion, saying in a dangerous voice, "don't I deserve the best?"

Shydeman, completely psyched out, squealed, "Of course you do!" His voice cracked, to his embarrassment, but once again, the little crony was ignored as Nadil headed off to la-la land. "Right from the moment when I met her, saw her, I said she's gorgeous and I vowed…" Nadil, caught up in his imagination, grabbed Shydeman and gave him a BIG squeeze. "Here in town there's only she, who is beautiful as me," Nadil dropped Shydeman, who landed ungracefully on his rear and the brawny demon headed off towards Cesia and her sisters; "so I'm making plans to woo and marry Cesia."

Halfway across the square, he is seen by the three bimbos- I mean, silly girls, and together Shyrendora, Jilge, and Medicinea squealed,

"Look there he goes! Isn't he _dreamy_? Monsieur Nadil, _OH HE'S SO CUTE!_ Be still, my heart, I'm hardly _breathing_, he's SUCH a tall, dark, strong and handsome BRUTE!"

They flock around him and proceed to try to tear him in three different directions, none of which he wanted to go in, and a bunch of other villagers swarm upon the square, making it exceedingly difficult for Nadil to cross anyway. A ruckus is made by all these crazy people, and we hear:

"Bonjour!"

Nadil: Pardon 

"Good day"

"Mais oui!"

"You call this bacon?""What lovely grapes!"

"Some cheese"

"Ten yards"

"One pound"

"'Scuse me!"

"I'll get the knife"  
Nadil: sweatdrop Please let me through!"

"This bread""Those fish""It's stale!"

"They smell!""Madame's mistaken"

Kitchel, at the center, finally grows impatient as there's no more gossip occurring, just complaints about goods, and yells, "There must be more than this provincial life!"

Nadil shakes off the three bimbos-I mean, silly girls, and declares, "Just watch, I'm going to make Cesia my wife!"

In a queer sort of chorus, all of the people making cameos that have already been mentioned, and some who haven't (guess who snuck out of the dragon castle again? And guess who helped? And guess, if you please, who is absolutely going to smack them when he finds them?...only three guesses and it's not that hard folks) begin singing:

"Look there they go  
Those girls are strange but special  
Some most peculiar mad'moiselles!  
It's a pity and a sin  
None of them quite fit in  
'Cause they really are funny girls  
All beauties but all funny girls  
They really are all funny girls,  
That Cesia! And Kitchel! And Tintlett!

By the time that Tintlett realizes something odd and unnatural is going on, everyone is back to their daily routines, and when she asks Cesia and Kitchel about it, they sigh, exasperatedly, and drag her home.

o.O

the peppy napkins can be heard in the Broadway version of this story during the song Be Our Guest when Lumiere cries, "Napkins, si vous plait!"

A/n: so, you like? Tell me how it is. And currently I'm really paranoid cause I went to this website that showcases REALLY REALLY bad fanfiction, and read some of the ones there….shudders good lord… so I really hope this isn't like any of those stories, because then even I will feel bad for you.

I feel like I'm forgetting something…

OH!

Review please!

-Cats

o.O


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two…or, In Which Alfeegi Has No Luck Whatsoever.

A/n- I'm back! Please read and review. Yes, I'm ripping off ideas and whole sentences from the musical/movie, but I don't own them, so don't sue.

BTW this is an edited post because I realized a few mistakes, but don't you like it? Only one person so far has hit this page, and I thought that this was a good chapter. Look, its even long! If you don't like it you could tell me at least…or maybe you all just have a life and haven't gotten around to reading this yet. Oh well. Here's the revision, and if you love me you'll tell me your favorite part. Toodles for now!

o.O

As they returned from the town, Cesia bearing the foodstuffs she had purchased, and Tintlett with her nose in her book, they found their older foster brother Nohiro sitting outside their house on the little stone wall bordering Tintlett's beloved garden.

Cesia, dumping her basket in Kitchel's hands, glomped Nohiro. "Hi! Welcome back!" Nohiro, being a bit different than the other townspeople, had a hobby (that some would call an obsession) with looking for faeries. This led him off on wildly varying trips all over the place, none of which had yet been successful.

"I was kinda wondering if you had food for hungry travelers…" Nohiro admitted sheepishly, and Cesia pulled him into the house. "Let's see what Kitchel can cook up."

Over lunch, Kitchel, who had been oddly quiet, asked, "Nohiro, do you think we're...odd?" Taken somewhat aback by this question out of the blue, Nohiro choked briefly on a leaf of lettuce (darn you lettuce!) and replied somewhat hoarsely, "My sisters odd? Where did you get an idea like that?"

Kitchel squirmed a little in her chair. "I don't know. It's just that, well, people talk." Nohiro waved a hand at her as if to blow that off. "They talk about me, too." He hugged Kitchel and continued, "No, we're not odd, its true; no family could be saner, except one uncle who...well, maybe let that pass…" he pondered this last realization with an expression of deep contemplation that looked quite interesting on his normally care free face, but snapped out of it as Cesia cleared the table.

"In all you say or do," he informed them all, even Tintlett, who had been overhearing this conversation from the other side of her deep novel. "You couldn't make it plainer, you are all my sisters-therefore you are class!"

He looked pleased with himself at this announcement, and Kitchel asked, "So I should just accept I'm simply not like them?" Nohiro took Cesia and Kitchel's hands and repeated, "They are the common herd, and you should take my word-You are unique: crème de la crème." Tintlett, hearing this, remembered she had wanted to check and see if any strawberries were ripe that they could have with whipped cream for dessert, and left to inspect the garden. Sometimes the most random phrases will make people remember things.

"No matter what you do, I'm on your side-and if my point of view is somewhat misty-eyed; there's nothing clearer in my life than what I wish and feel for you and that's a lot... No matter what!" Cesia, touched by this declaration that randomly rhymed, smiled as she told Nohiro, "No matter what they say you make me proud; I love the funny way you stand out from the crowd."

Nohiro took this as a compliment even though, when he thought about it later, he wasn't sure if standing out in a funny sort of manner was a good thing, and he added, "Now some may say big brothers just exaggerate," and Kitchel, in a much lighter mood, teased, "That every sister's great?" and too her amusement, Nohiro responded "You are."

He paused for a moment and continued in a softer voice, "No matter what the pain, we've come this far. I pray that you remain exactly as you are. This really is a case of brother knowing best-"

"And sister too!" Tintlett scolded gently from the doorway, offering a plate of the sun warmed berries to her sibs, and Nohiro finished with "You're never strange," before picking a fruit and tasting it, while Tintlett murmured, "Don't ever change," to Kitchel.

"You've all I've got, no matter what."

o.O

The next morning, in a manner one comes to associate with Nohiro after several years, Cesia found a note from Nohiro on their doorstep as she went out to feed the Darnias.

It read, "Gone to look for faeries with new map found in library book. Will be back in a few days. Tell Tintlett the beans at my place need tending, if she has any free time. Will look for treasure for Kitchel. Hugs 'n stuff, -Nohiro".

Cesia shook her head a little. Nohiro had such a short attention span-he had been home only a few days. Ah, well. At least the Darnia's were happy to see her. Nohiro, at this point, was on a mud and dirt path through the forest, humming a bit off key to himself.

"I can't wait to find the water realm- I'll ask a faerie to be my bride…that is provided I can find the faeries at all…" He broke off as he realized that he had utterly no idea at all of where he was. "I must have missed a sign...I should have paid attention...Drat!"

He was, completely and absolutely, lost. In the distance, he heard a wolf howl, and the lonesome sound sent a shiver up his spine. "That's not a nightingale and not a mating call…" A shape, then two and three, appeared behind him, driving him forward. "Wolves!"

As unhappy a time Nohiro was having, being chased by wolves until the story line takes us back to him, Cesia was having an even worse time. Mostly because of _something_ that showed up on her doorstep that morning.

In fact, let us backtrack a little bit. –Earlier, about the time that the wolves started chasing Nohiro- "Now, now," Nadil caught the attention of the people gathered in the field down the road and off to the right of the girls' house, pushing back his lavender hair as he walked into view.

"I want to thank you all for coming to my wedding!" behind the table with the mammoth cake, Jilge, Shyrendora, and Medicinea sobbed helplessly at the thought of the object of their affections marrying someone else.

"Why Nadil, why are you doing this to us? Don't you love us anymore?" Somehow, even though they were close to hysterical and had tears running down their faces, they managed to stop and put on their prettiest, most charming puppy dog eye faces in hopes that Nadil would say "April Fools" or something like that. "Of course I do," Nadil smirked as he came around behind the girls and laid his hands on their shoulders. "But don't tell me that a silly thing like a wedding would change your feelings for me," Jilge, Shyrendora, and Medicinea sighed and cooed happily, "Oh, no, _never,_" to which Nadil added, "and we can still have our little rendezvous, right?" No one seemed to notice that he pronounced rendezvous incredibly wrong, and the three bimbos-silly girls, I mean- tittered, "Oh, yes, of course!" But their smiles quickly disappeared as Nadil left them, and they started the waterworks again.

"Of course," Nadil continued, pouring on the charm and causing the villagers to smile benevolently at him, "now I just have to go and propose to the girl!" he laughed, a bit malevolently, but all of his guests joined in. As he left, striding like the overconfident buffoon that he is towards the house, he snagged Shydeman, who was (trying to) flirt with the glacial Lim Kaana, and asked, "When I come out of the house with the girl, you'll do…?" to which the underling replied, "Strike up the band!"

It was quite an interesting quintet, with Laamgarnas, Gil, Kirikulus, Bierrez, and Kharl playing the trombone, accordion, didgeridoo, kazoo, and tuba respectively. (Please understand the authoress has nothing against any of the characters or instruments listed above and simply added them for a better visual effect.) Shydeman flourished his conductor's baton, and the band, taking this to be their cue, started haphazardly playing a somewhat warped version of "Here Comes the Bride".

"No, no no! Not yet!" Nadil swung the didgeridoo at Shydeman's head, effectively shutting them all up, before resuming his path towards the house. Which is where we were 272 words ago. Cesia peered out one of the front windows to see who it was knocking on her door. "Who is it?" Kitchel asked, and Cesia rolled her eyes and said, "Nadil."

Tittering, Kitchel excused herself from the room and began to climb the stairwell that branched off of their living room, where Tintlett sat embroidering on her latest project, before thinking that this might be worth staying around for, and crouching quietly at the foot of the stairs behind the closed door.

"Hello Nadil," Cesia greeted the tall demon hesitantly, sliding the door back just enough as to hold a polite, but very short, conversation with him. Sadly, this did not deter him at all, and Nadil pushed his way into the house, making himself at home in the living room where he failed to notice Tintlett.

Cesia, reservedly following the intruder into her own house, was about to politely demand what he thought he was doing when Nadil broke out into song began to talk. (That being such a strong image that many readers would be blinded and unable to finish reading the chapter, the authoress decided to cross that out and pretend it never happened. Carry on.)

"You've been dreaming just one dream nearly all your life, hoping, scheming, just one theme: will you be a wife?" The utterly pompous demon lord continued on, not even noticing Cesia's horrified expression as he just kept talking. "Will you be some he-man's property? Good news! That he-man's me!"

'Ugh!' was the only thing going through Cesia's rather frozen mind by now, her brain stunned as it refused to contemplate what in Dusis this…_thing_ was talking about. "This equation, girl plus man, doesn't help just you; On occasion, women can have their uses too!"

Cesia had never considered marriage before this moment, and especially to this person, who in this fic is very like the original character Gaston, and has more muscles than brains. The continuing line of words proceeding from Nadil's mouth were making her sicker and sicker, and Tintlett and Kitchel both were having harder and harder times trying to keep from bursting out into gales of laughter.

Currently, Nadil was listing out the ways Cesia could "assist" him, ending with, "Mainly to extend the family tree…Pumpkin, extend with me! We'll be raising sons galore," he said with gusto, eliciting another shudder of horror from Cesia, whom Nadil continued to ignore as he persisted in his daydream, and a murmured, "Inconceivable!" from Tintlett, as she glanced over her needle work.

This fazed the irrepressible Nadil not one bit. "Each built six foot four!" This comment triggered a stifled laugh from Kitchel, who commented, "Unbelievable!" from her hideout. Cesia glared at Tintlett, as she couldn't see Kitchel, but Nadil, supposing that the noise was merely a little creature in the wallboards, continued with his tirade.

"Each stuffed with every Gaston gene!" The three girls gagged, and rolled their eyes in unison. "I'm not hearing this!" Nadil, refusing to believe that Cesia would turn him down, simply tuned out this comment and (you guessed it,) continued, "You'll be keeping house with pride!"

Kitchel:

Just incredible!

Nadil:

Each day gratified

Tintlett:

So unweddable!

Gaston:

That you are a part of this idyllic scene!

A trumpet flourish, or perhaps Bierrez wreaking havoc with his kazoo, punctuated this exclamation, and Nadil turned to Cesia, his hands out as he described, "Picture this: a rustic hunting lodge, my latest kill roasting over the fire, my little wife massaging my feet," (Cesia: eww…), "while the little ones play on the floor with the dogs-we'll have six or seven!"

"Dogs?" Cesia asked, thinking that this was the only bright spot in an otherwise nightmarish scene. Nadil shook his head and explained, "No, Cesia! Strapping boys...like me!" Nadil turned, and Cesia rubbed her head, echoing Kitchel and Tintlett: "Imagine that!"

Now in the homestretch, Nadil adopted an even more outrageously arrogant tone. "I can see that we will share all that love implies; we shall be a perfect pair rather like my thighs!" (Cesia: o.O) "You are face to face with destiny! All roads lead to... The best things in life are... All's well that ends with me!"

He pinned Cesia against the back door, his hands by either side of her head, and said, "Escape me? There's no way-certain as "Do, Re,"-Cesia, when you marry..." He looked Cesia in the eye and asked, "So Cesia, what will it be? Is it "yes", or is it "_oh, yes_"?"

Cesia stalled for time as she tried to get the doorknob to turn. "I...I just don't deserve you!" Nadil smiled conceitedly. "Who does? ME!" Cesia leaned on the door desperately and it swung open, catapulting the hapless Nadil into the pile of mud outside the door.

"But thanks for asking!"

o.O

We last left Nohiro running from many many wolves, and he was not too happy with this situation. So let us follow him as he runs and runs. Oh, and it starts to rain and thunder at this point, making it very nerve wracking, as he is slipping and sliding every which way. 'Finally,' he noticed a tall gate in front of him, which he pushed and pushed, trying desperately to open them, as the wolves were getting closer and closer behind him.

To his surprise, when he tried to pull the gates open, they swung open easily, and so he made it inside safely. The wolves, being too stupid to pull the gates open, were left throwing themselves at the gates like suicidal maniacs. He opened the doors to the castle he found beyond the gates, and found himself in a long, darkened hallway that was quite empty and cavernous.

"Hello?..." No one answered. "Hello…" his voice died away in the great empty space before him, and for a moment he thought he heard voices. He shook his head to try to get the rain out of his hair and ears so he could hear better. In fact, he was hearing voices, but his mind wasn't yet acknowledging this.

On a nearby table, where they had been for- how long now? More than a day, but who knew, they were sleeping…- Ruwalk and Alfeegi had been left to guard the door, both at once because Tetheus, still in charge of security, had judged one of them alone insufficient to guard the door; Ruwalk would let the Lord out if not for Alfeegi, and Alfeegi was liable to become engrossed in tax reports or other such dry, stale writings if Ruwalk wasn't there to keep him on task. Besides, it was funny to listen in on their conversation-arguments. They both sounded like squabbling five year olds. But the authoress digresses.

As she was saying, Ruwalk had just nudged Alfeegi and muttered "He must've lost his way in the woods," to which Alfeegi snapped back in an aggravated tone (he had just been asleep) "Be Quiet! Maybe he'll go away…" It was after this he realized that he wasn't dreaming and that there was actually some one there, but his next words were drowned out by a "Is some one there?" Nohiro had realized that there was, in fact, one or two people whispering somewhere nearby. Trying again, Alfeegi threatened, "Not another word, Ruwalk! Not another word!"

Nohiro heard mumbling again, and decided to address the voices, which he was pretty sure weren't just figments of his imagination. "I don't mean to intrude, I lost my way, and I just need a place to stay for the night." Ruwalk was definitely softening, and leaned towards Alfeegi. "Oh, Alfeegi, have a heart; look at him, he's all wet and cold…" Alfeegi was distinctly annoyed by now, and clamped a hand over Ruwalk's mouth, whispering, "The lord…"

But whatever the Lord had said or done this time was lost as Ruwalk held his hand, with its lit candle in it, under Alfeegi's arm, and the once teal haired man yelled- that fire was hot- and let go of Ruwalk's head. Ruwalk jumped off the table and announced to the pair of legs walking around that belonged to Nohiro, "Of course Monsieur, you're welcome here!"

At that particular moment in time Alfeegi could have strangled Ruwalk. Nohiro turned around abruptly. The voice sounded much nearer and louder all of a sudden.

"Who said that?" Ruwalk sighed. "Over here!" he tried again, and Nohiro turned again, staring over Nohiro's head, and somehow missing the clock that was about to body slam Ruwalk from the table above him. Alfeegi had had it with Ruwalk's antics, and was about to do something about it. "Where?" Ruwalk sighed and hopped over to Nohiro's leg to tug at the hem of the young man's pants just as Alfeegi jumped. And missed Ruwalk entirely, landing where the candlestick had been only moments before. He just didn't seem to have any luck today.

Nohiro looked down, 'I don't remember a candlestick being there…' to see Ruwalk there, who gave him a jaunty wave and called up, "Hallo!" Nohiro, taken by surprise, stumbled backward, incidentally kicking the unfortunate Ruwalk into the table leg. But it's ok, it takes a lot to hurt something (or someone) made of metal. "Owwww….."

Both appliances picked themselves off of the floor, with Alfeegi up first, lecturing the candlestick, "Wonderful, Ruwalk, now you've done it! Just splendid!" He didn't notice Nohiro, though Ruwalk was motioning rapidly behind them, caught up in his lecturing (just like always.) Nohiro picked up Alfeegi gently around the waist (if clocks have waists…) just as Alfeegi shook a finger at Ruwalk, denouncing him, "Simply peachy!-Ah!" Nohiro, far from the fright he had just experienced, poked and prodded Alfeegi, pronouncing, "How is this accomplished?" He was quite absorbed, and paid no heed to Alfeegi's declarations of "Put me down! Put me down this instant!"

Nohiro, apparently hitting a ticklish spot, raised his eyebrows as Alfeegi burst into helpless giggles, completely ruining his stern visage. He proceeded to examine the pendulum that swung inside Alfeegi, and had the door closed on his finger with an indignant, "Close that At Once, if you Don't Mind!" Alfeegi seemed to talk in Capitalized Words When Angry or Annoyed.

"I beg your pardon," Nohiro apologized, but then had the sudden urge to sneeze. Which he did. All over the unfortunate Alfeegi. Alfeegi really wasn't having a good day. Ruwalk looked on sympathetically as Nohiro apologized to the now thoroughly indignant clock-man, and mentioned, "Ah, monsieur, you're soaked to the bone…come, warm yourself by the fire!"

Alfeegi sputtered, partially because he had just been sneezed on, and partially because he thought he had just heard Ruwalk suggest something that was, to him, plainly impossible. But he had already been placed considerately on the floor as Nohiro turned gladly to follow Ruwalk into a room down a nearby hall.

Alfeegi ran as quickly as he could after them, shouting, "No, no, no! You know what the masters would do if they found out about this!" Either Ruwalk couldn't hear him or was blatantly ignoring him, for they just continued on. Alfeegi tried once more to hold them back by grabbing the back of Nohiro's cloak, but they reached the room anyway. "I demand that you stop Right There!"

Because he was lecturing them, he wasn't paying enough attention to where they were all going, and to his dismay he fell again, this time down a small flight of stairs, landing in an undignified pile of springs and parts, which he hastily stuffed back inside his works. Nohiro, at Ruwalk's persuading, was lowering himself into the chair in front of the fire, much to Alfeegi's distress. "Oh, no; not the master's chair!" Rath often came here to watch the flames before him, and he would most definitely figure out that someone was there that wasn't supposed to be. He got to his feet again, but was spun in a circle as another person rushed into the room, off balancing him.

Crewger, now a small ottoman with fringe, was wriggling before Nohiro and whining- it had been such a long time since he had gotten his ears scratched. "Why hello there!" Nohiro was happy to see someone welcoming, even if a barking ottoman was a little odd…

Meanwhile in the back of the room Alfeegi was covering his eyes and alternately rubbing, panicking to himself, "I'm not seeing this! I'm not seeing this!" To his futher horror, Kaistern the coat rack entered with a nice warm blanket, which he wrapped securely around Nohiro's shoulders, and bowed, backing away a bit. How he knew where the young man was, we don't know, because he didn't have any visible eyes, but he still managed somehow…except when, with Lykouleon egging him on, he managed to get very, very drunk with Thatz one night, back when Thatz was in a rare good mood. How he actually consumed the beer without a visible mouth, or how Lykouleon kept getting magically refilled (he was an old style Steiner mug…) no one really knows. But he later felt very overhung, and he blamed Lykouleon, who hadn't actually drunk any of the beer. No one knows if Thatz had had a hang over; just after that he relapsed into the cloud of anger and despair that Rath and Rune had already succumbed to, and no one really wanted to anger them, knowing the damage they could do in their altered forms.

Back to the story now, Kaistern had just given Nohiro a blanket, and Nohiro had complimented them all by saying "What service," (Alfeegi did not care in the least,) and Alfeegi was about to stalk over there and declare, "I'm in charge here, and I-" when he was run over by a speeding tea cart. It screeched to a halt next to Nohiro's chair, and the boy saw more occupants to the castle on it- Raseleane the teapot, Lykouleon the beer mug (who was just along for the ride) and Zoma and Ringleys the teacups.

"Hello dear, would you like a cup of tea?" Raseleane asked kindly, "It'll warm you right up!" Alfeegi groaned. Some people were just too nice at the wrong times… "No tea," was muffled by the thick carpeting. "No Tea!" this time he lifted his face up from the rug. Zoma and Ringleys hopped up and down, attracting Nohiro's attention, and he said delightedly, "Why hello there!"

Underneath the top level of the tea cart was a second level, where Tetheus and some of the dragon fighters were hiding in case of a problem. Most of the dragon fighters, however, were preoccupied with the faerie light, now napkins, which were also there, as to complete the image of harmless cutlery. Thank the gods Raseleane hadn't ordered them to act as place settings, or he would have been scarred for life. Urgh, moving on…

The door, at that moment, blew open violently, and the fire died down at the ferocity of the cold wind that entered. In the now dark room, Zoma whispered, "Uh oh…"

Raseleane Pushed them behind her and Lykouleon, and the cart rolled back a little ways. Ruwalk ducked behind a corner of the chair, Kaistern tried to blend in with the wall, Crewger hid under the chair, and Alfeegi dived beneath the edge of the rug. A low growl met Nohiro's ears, and he shrank down in the chair.

"There's a stranger here…" a low voice rumbled, and a shape entered the room, followed by two others. "Masters, allow me to explain," Ruwalk began nervously, and added, "This nice gentleman was lost in the woods and he was cold and wet, so-" he was cut off by another growl, this one louder, and he ducked back into hiding. Alfeegi took this moment to try to explain his side of the story.

"Masters, I'd like to take a moment to say: I was against this from the start," he started babbling. "I was All His Fault," he jabbed a finger several times at Ruwalk for emphasis, and continued, "and I tried to stop him, but would they listen to me? Noooo-"

A roar cut him off, and he dove back into his hiding place, this time with Crewger at his side. The shapes circled the chair. "Who are you?" "Why are you here?" They most certainly did not sound very nice. "I was l-lost…" Nohiro stammered, to which came the reply, "You're Not Welcome Here!"

After all these years, more of Alfeegi's habits had rubbed off on one of the shapes. (guess who? -) "I-I'm sorry," Nohiro tried to catch a glimpse of one of his questioners.

"What are you staring at?"

"N-nothing!"

"Oh, come to stare at the beast have you!"

A face, horrid, beastly, and twisted loomed up in front of Nohiro. "Please, I m-meant no harm, I j-just need a p-place to stay for the night!"

"I'll give you a place to stay!" The Beast hoisted the young man up by the front of his cloak, and dragged him out of the room.

"Please, no, No!" was the last the subdued and frightened animate inanimate objects heard of Nohiro.

o.O

A/n- I'm not a huge fan of the song No Matter What but I did my best. I hope you all enjoy, fluff will come, I promise. I'm trying to add comedy elements to the otherwise somewhat depressing story line, k? just for you.

Please review though…Alfeegi wants you to.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: in which much mud is discovered, the authoress realizes there are a lot of unfortunate things occurring, and Shydeman is forced to think.

This chapter is for my school work, which has found itself to be sacrificed in lieu of a more rewarding activity. May it rest in peace until such time as I remember to do it.

Note: Some people have asked me why these characters are all singing. They're not, as far as I know (although we are dealing with some shady characters here…who knows if, say, Fedelta and Saabel sing when they're alone?) Mostly, I pictured them just talking/speaking the lines from the songs, because the lyrics do a lot to add to the story line. And some of them are funny (like Nadil's comparison of himself to his thighs. That was funny, but now that I think of it, it's rather disturbing…) I'm really trying not to make it a primarily Rath/Cesia focused fic, but then I feel like they're getting lost, and I feel bad because I'm trying to give everyone equal time in the spotlight. What do you all think? And don't worry, I'm trying to stay true to the characters' real personality, so, say, Rune won't be all "scary" or what.

Warning: some ooc-ness, but what did you expect? They're cutlery for Pete's sake!

o.O

Cesia slumped down in front of the door, which she had just hastily shut and locked behind her to prevent the reappearance of certain people whom she had just gotten rid of. She didn't move for several minutes, trying to convince herself that what she had just heard had NOT happened.

Tintlett laid her book aside and asked softly, "Are you alright?" Cesia's head snapped up, and saw Kitchel and Tintlett looking anxiously at her.

"Is he gone?" Cesia asked, not wanting to peer through the window on the off chance that Nadil hadn't gotten the message and was still lurking out in their yard. Kitchel peered out a window, noting the muddy footprints leading down the driveway. "Yep, he's gone."

Cesia glared at the footprints. "Can you imagine? He asked me to _marry_ him. Me-the wife of that _boorish…BRAINLESS,_" Cesia hurled a hapless book Tintlett had accidentally left out on the table across the room. "Ugh. 'Madame Nadil, can't you just see it?'" Her voice held a sharp edge that was almost never apparent in her speech- she was really pissed off. "Madame Gaston!-His little "wife." Cesia whirled and stomped her foot. "No sir! Not me! I guarantee it, I want much more than this provincial life."

While Cesia stalked off to her room to seethe in peace, Kitchel and Cesia went back to whatever it was they were doing before they had been interrupted. "I don't think it was sensible to turn him down so…violently," Tintlett mentioned as she rescued her book from the far side of the room where it had recently met Mr. Wall.

Kitchel snorted. "If you ask me he deserved it, letting those bimbos hang on him every time he leaves his house. And besides, what should she have done? I wouldn't want to be chained to that pig for the rest of my life!" Kitchel found the note from Nohiro where Cesia had left it on the table, and set about reading it, while Tintlett made a noise indicating her agreement as she settled back down into the armchair with her novel.

Up in her room, Cesia opened her window and looked out on the forest that sprang up behind the house, he head resting on her folded hands. "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere; I want it more than I can tell…"

A leaf drifted by her, twirling gently on the breeze as she admitted to herself, "And for once it might be grand to have someone understand…" She rolled her eyes as she clearly recalled Nadil just waltzing into the house and droning on and on about himself. 'That's not going to happen with him around…'

Some people might think she's crazy, but it was plainly obvious that Nadil was all brawn and muscles, and didn't have much in the way of deeper thinking or imagination. Wait, that wasn't quite right. Nadil was smart when he wanted to be, but he only wanted to be when he got something out of it. Come to think of it, there was a word describing this trait, she just couldn't put her finger on it…hold on a moment…Aha. Nadil was Self Centered and Vain. Possibly the top two traits on her list of pet peeves.

Since the topic of Nadil was close to making her physically sick, Cesia resumed her former train of thought as she recalled Nohiro on his journey. "I want so much more than they've got planned."

o.O

So now we switch settings to resume the plot line-or something of that nature. Anyway, we left Nadil falling head first into a puddle of rich, dark, disgustingly smelly mud in the yard just by the door he had entered the house from and from whence he had been hastily ejected from. Cesia, Kitchel, and Tintlett made careful note to avoid the puddle, which was one of the last left over from the last rain, but it was exceedingly useful in this instance.

Now that we have adequately described the puddle (which was not called for) we can get on to Nadil. He was, to put it mildly, covered from head to toe in the fermenting, squalid mess, and was not happy about it.

In fact, as soon as he spat, coughed, and choked up almost a gallon of the stuff, he put his frustrations into words, which, being as foul as the muck which he sat in, are not chronicled here. Just, using your own imagination, string together about fifty of the nastiest words in your vocabulary (they need no all be swears- in fact, some of the more stinging insults are ones that can be freely used in a public setting) and, while you are alone, scream them at the top of your voice, repeating when you get to the end. This was what reverberated around the woods.

When his temper tantrum was not as satisfying as it had been when he began, and his throat began to feel the strain of his yelling, Nadil shut up and sat up from his prone position (an apt position to acquire when one is pounding one's fists and feet on the floor and/or ground in a fit of utmost fury) while wiping his eyes with an equally filthy sleeve. This did not help him much, but Nadil was still seething too much to really care.

So he carefully stood and, half blind, tried to find the road. It was about this time when he realized that the world was unnaturally silent, and in a moment of rare brilliance, set about trying to empty his ears of the rank sludge that had since his fall inhabited them. The world resumed its normal sounds and he continued on to the clearing.

Just as he entered, he heard the sounds of a band beginning its rendition of "Here comes the Bride" (with an unwarranted solo on Kharl's part, just to prove how totally awesome he was on the tuba).

However, his dramatic appearance quickly stifled all noise from the would-be-wedding-goers, except for Laam because he was busy watching Gil. So Nadil's first sight was of astonished/stunned/shocked/horrified whatever-you-want-to-call-ems and Laam rocking out on his trombone.

"Shut UP!" Nadil snarled, again wreaking havoc with Kirikulus's didgeridoo, this time aiming at Laam, and then at Shydeman, who was supposedly conducting this mess. They both now sported identical lumps on their heads; however now there was silence.

Sensing the awkwardness in the air, many guests decided to make tracks and departed, making the excuse that they suddenly remembered somewhere they had to be, someone they had to meet, or something they forgot to do.

While Nadil fumed in silence, the band decided it was time to inch their way out of the clearing, and departed quietly in ones or twos. Shydeman slipped away to hide behind a tree, assuring himself that he would just wait there for Nadil to calm down. Unfortunately that was not what happened.

Back in the clearing, Shyrendora, Jilge, and Medicinea approached Nadil in a way that they thought was flirtatious. Unfortunately, it was not. There are simply no words to describe what occurred, so we shall fast forward about 5.42331793 seconds.

"So," Shyrendora chirped, "How'd it go?" She laid a hand on Nadil's arm, but he moved away. "You know that Cesia, always playing hard to get…" he growled, and the charm on the faces of the three bimbos-ahem, silly girls- changed rapidly to disbelief as they chorused (rather out of tune), "She TURNED YOU DOWN!"

Songbirds in the nearby trees took flight as the girls' shrieks scared them out of a year's growth, and squeals of delight drove them away in flocks. Nadil looked peevishly over his shoulder at the three fluff-brained girls, and muttered, "I'll have Cesia to be my bride, make no mistake about that!" before stomping off in a huff.

"Well, gee," Shyrendora sang in a slightly nasal, whiny voice, "If she turned HIM down, maybe I still have a chance!" "No, he's mine!" "No way!" The other two jumped on Shyrendora at this, and they all struggled on the ground in an out and out girl fight.

Somehow, one realized kicking works better when one is standing, and they all regained their upright positions. This whole time they were shrieking at each other with voices like banshees. (It took weeks for the more superstitious townspeople to go near this area.)

Shyrendora was the first to realize that Nadil had left the area and went off in the wrong direction squealing "He's mine, he's mine!" like a broken record. Medicinea and Jilge didn't notice this apparently, for they continued on in their little fight, fists up and ready as they circled the other. They didn't get to throw a punch though, because by the time they got close enough to strike, they just slapped at the other.

It was about this time that Medicinea and Jilge realized that they had been left behind and that Nadil was no where in sight.

"What?"

"Oopsie!"

They took off as well in the direction Shyrendora had taken. Needless to say, the noise and various screechings emitted by the silly girls had woken Shydeman up from where he had fallen asleep behind the tree, and he now stumbled off in search of Nadil. He took a right where he should have taken a left, and stumbled about in the woods, before tripping over a red scarf, and then making two more rights. (Cause three rights make a left!)

Eventually he slipped on wet grass, and tumbled down the slope of the hill behind Cesia, Kitchel, and Tintlett's house, narrowly missing a certain spot of mud. Tintlett was in the garden, watering her beloved plants, and looked up at the noise.

"Shydeman!" she called in surprise, and Kitchel stuck her head out of the kitchen window. "What are you doing here?" Shydeman picked himself up and smoothed his shirt. "Hey, have you seen Nadil?" Cesia snorted from the tree under which she was sitting. "You just missed him." Kitchel wandered out of the house and was about to ask why, when Cesia gasped and stood up, marching over to the demon.

"Shydeman, where did you find this scarf?" she cried, pointing at the red material draped around the demon's neck. "In the woods, alright?" Shydeman crossed his arms over his new found treasure. "That's Nohiro's!" Tintlett dropped her spade and hurried over. "I made it for him and gave it to him just before he left!"

Shydeman was now peeved that the three girls were harassing him, and turned up his nose when Kitchel grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close to her face. "Shydeman, I want you to think hard and tell me where you found that scarf."

Shydeman pondered this for exactly five seconds before saying bluntly, "No."

"Think!"

"…"

Shydeman racked his brain for specifics and came up with, "In the woods, okay?" before turning away with an exasperated sigh.

"Harder!"

If looks could kill, Shydeman would have been skewered a long time ago by laser beams and reduced to a little pile of smoking ashes.

"By the crossroads, alright?" He screwed up his face as if he were in pain.

"That means he's still out there…" Cesia began to look worriedly at Tintlett, and Kitchel snagged Shydeman's sleeve as he tried to weasel his way out of there.

"Shydeman, you have to take us back!"

"Not the woods!"

Shydeman cowered behind Tintlett, who was having none of this act and remarked, "Don't you see, he could be hurt!"

"Not on your _life._" Shydeman, who hated the woods, was not about to go back there.

"Fine!" Cesia shoved Shydeman. "We'll find him ourselves!"

o.O

"Sure…just had to invite him in, didn't we?" Alfeegi was taking his anger out on Ruwalk as he paced back and forth in one of the rooms that had been adopted as their 'living rooms' while they were animate inanimate objects.

Ruwalk was mostly ignoring the clock, using what was left of his hands, now candles, to make "blah, blah, blah" motions and sarcastic faces behind Alfeegi's back. "Warm yourself by the fire, sit in the master's chair, Pet the Pooch," Alfeegi emphasized these last words as he whirled around, catching Ruwalk in the act of making a mockery of the clock. Out of sight of Alfeegi, who was quite intent of strangling the unfortunate candelabra, Lykouleon did his best to cover up the strangled sort of noises he was making as he tried not to laugh at this exchange.

"Really, Alfeegi, can you blame me for trying to maintain what's left of our humanity?" Ruwalk asked from behind Kaistern, who was trying to look down at his two friends who were circling the base of his coat-rack form without falling down, and failing. (The last time he attempted to do this he had fallen over, and he had spent the better part of a week with his face becoming acquainted with the floor on the account that it took everyone else that long to stand him back up.)

"What?" Alfeegi asked irritably, crossing his arms over his box-like, pendulum containing front. "Look at us," Ruwalk gestured around the room.

"Look at you,"

"What about me?" Now Ruwalk had Alfeegi's attention, and the dragon fighters peered over the edge of the sofa they were all sitting on (they believed that the sofa was, in fact, no one they knew and had actually been a piece of furniture previous to the spell-casting business, but they weren't sure. In any case, whoever it was didn't seem to mind,) and watched the scene begin to unfold before them. The past few days had contained more motion than they had seen in almost a decade, and they were appreciative of the change of routine.

"You always were insufferable," Ruwalk rolled his eyes. "Now you're a little more tightly wound…a little more, _ticked off_." Ruwalk ducked as Alfeegi attempted to send a fork flying at him, under the protest of the person who was getting thrown. "All I know," Ruwalk put an arm around Raseleane dramatically, "Is that I will gradually melt away into nothing." The melodramatic expression he wore at this was quite ridiculous. "I only hope there is something left of me if we ever break this spell." Lykouleon patted Ruwalk on the shoulder. "We have to hold on."

Footsteps interrupted them, and for a few seconds they thought it might be one of the former knights, but these were softer and lighter. "I wonder who that is?" Tetheus mused, and Ruwalk sprang up. "Let's find out!" He took off, followed by Alfeegi, who was worried about a rule possibly being broken, and Lykouleon, who was always up for this kind of thing, as he was never let out of the castle anyway.

o.O

"W-where are we?" Kitchel shivered as they looked in through a wrought iron gate to the castle beyond. "I d-don't know…" Tintlett replied, fishing around for her map, which they had been referencing on their way to find Nohiro. "I d-don't think we m-made the right t-turn," Cesia said, teeth chattering. "W-well, maybe w-whoever lives h-here will know where N-nohiro is," suggested Tintlett, and Cesia nodded. "Maybe they'll let us w-warm up."

The gate, surprisingly enough, wasn't locked, as Kitchel had thought, and when they got inside, they found themselves in a big, empty foyer, darkened and musty, with a huge, grand staircase all the way at the opposite end.

"Somebody's already been here and picked off all the good stuff…" Kitchel complained, and Tintlett hushed her, for their voices echoed endlessly down the long, dark corridors. "Let's see if someone's here."

They began down a hallway, and halfway down Cesia thought she heard voices, but when they got there there was no one in sight. They kept on walking down hallway after hallway until they were lost, but just as Kitchel was about to admit even she had no idea where they were, they found themselves at the top of the grand staircase that they had noticed when they first arrived.

"But we didn't go up any stairs!" Cesia worried, and was even more confused when she realized a bunch of objects she was sure she had seen before in one of the other rooms on the first floor was sitting along one wall. And it was a truly odd arrangement. It was quite beyond her why cutlery was out here… Well, perhaps whoever's castle this was had multiple objects of the same type.

"Well, maybe they, whoever they is, are up those stairs," Kitchel nodded in the direction of a winding staircase down the hallway. "It wouldn't hurt to look," Tintlett agreed, though an odd feeling was growing in the pit of her stomach.

By the time the girls reached the top of the staircase, which went up for quite some time, their legs were aching and the air, which had been quite warm on the first floor, was chilly and damp. "Hello? Is anyone there?" Tintlett murmured softly, and from further back into the tower, almost hushed by the stone walls, came a reply.

"Who is that?" came an equally soft voice, and Kitchel walked toward the sound, seemingly unaffected by the dreary atmosphere, and the grimacing gargoyles leering at them with every step.

"Hello?"

"Nohiro!" Cesia recognized the voice that time too, and dashed across the room with Kitchel and Tintlett to kneel beside the older boy, who huddled behind cold, black iron bars. "What are you doing here!" Nohiro exclaimed, with a look that bordered on horrified on his face. "What are _you_ doing here?" Tintlett replied, reaching through the bars to take his hands in hers. "Your hands are as cold as ice," she cried out, trying to warm them. "We have to get you out of here!" Cesia looked for a key to the lock, but there was nothing.

"No, you have to get out of here! There's no time to explain, but you have to get out of here!" Nohiro pushed Tintlett back and tried to reassure them by standing up- however, the sight of his legs giving out from beneath him just made them want to stay and help him more. Before they could reach an agreement, the door to the dungeon, for that was where they were, blew open.

o.O

"This is the one, the one we have been waiting for!" Ruwalk skipped (or as near as he could get to it with a candlestick for what passed as a body) down the hallway. "Don't you see, they have come to break the spell!"

Alfeegi was not amused by this intrusion, the second in less than a week. "Yes, that's all very nice, but-" he was cut off by Ruwalk hugging him around the neck. "Stop that!" he pushed the candle away from himself as he wondered a bit forlornly why he hadn't chose to stick with Lykouleon and Tetheus and the dragon fighters as they continued to follow the intruders around.

"We should tell the others, no?" Ruwalk was hit by this flash of inspiration, and unthinkingly Alfeegi said the first thing that came to mind. "Yes. No! I mean- come back here!" Ruwalk was off in the instant he heard yes, and Alfeegi was left to chase him around the castle.

Ah yes, now he remembered why he had elected to go with Ruwalk. It was because he didn't trust Ruwalk by himself.

o.O

"Lady Raseleane, Lady Raseleane! Guess what?" Ringleys and Zoma hopped over to the queen-teapot and clamored for her attention. "You'll never guess!" Zoma added, and Ringleys blurted, "There's a girl in the castle!"

Raseleane smiled at the two teacups, which, over the course of the spell, she had sort-of-adopted, and replied, "Bless my soul, wouldn't that be lovely." Zoma saw that she really didn't believe them, and added, "No, really!" Raseleane smiled. "Now, Zoma, I'll not have you making up wild stories…"

A rustle of feathers announced Reema's appearance, and she swished her way over. Now a feather duster, she announced happily, "Lady Raseleane, have you heard? There's a GIRL in the castle!" Raseleane was quite shocked by this, and was saved from blathering by Ringleys' addition, "And she's really pretty too!" Reema tossed her head. "Well, I don't know about that."

o.O

Wow, I'm sorry…I didn't manage to fit Rune, Thatz, or Rath in here at all yet. Next time, I promise! Oh, and please tell me your favorite part...if you have one. o.O thankees!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: In which we finally get to Rath, Rune, and Thatz; in which many are inebriated at Nadil's party, and in which the girls get somewhat emo until they meet Raseleane…omg is that a beer mug?

A/n- sorry for the wait ya'll; here it is, more rambling at the end. READ!

Warning: Slight out of characterness might ensue…but come on, if you found yourself to be a fork, you too may be a little bit disturbed and abnormal…

o.O

"There's a stranger here." One voice growled softly, and in the poor light of the dungeon, Tintlett, Cesia, and Kitchel could make out three shapes in the doorway. "Who are you and why are you here?" The forms were tall, and did not look human.

"Please, they meant no harm, they-"

A growl cut off Nohiro and the forms moved closer, though still avoiding the weak light that fell from a single lantern suspended in the middle of the room.

"Who are you?" Kitchel asked cautiously, and another voice rumbled a response. "We are the masters of this castle. Why are you here, invading our property?" The rude tone was harshened, and Cesia gathered up her courage enough to say, "We came to find Nohiro-please, let him go! Can't you see he's sick?"

The last figure spoke then, sullenly. "He trespassed here. He is our prisoner." "Please, you have to let him out, he could die!" The choked off coughing that followed this accentuated this.

"No."

Tintlett felt her eyes begin to water as Kitchel pleaded, "Please, we'll do anything!" A less harsh reply came, full of distrust.

"Anything?"

"Take me instead."

Tintlett stood, and Nohiro cried out. "No!"

More mistrust, and something that might, long ago, have been amazement shaded the next words; "You would take his place?"

"Tintlett, no!" Nohiro couldn't let her do this for him. "Take us as well," Cesia spoke for herself and Kitchel at this, but Tintlett hushed them.

"Come into the light."

The shapes hesitated, but then slowly stepped into the single beam of light. They became creatures, once human, now misshapen and animal-like, and Kitchel gasped sharply.

"If I did," Tintlett said, her voice wavering slightly as she tried to hide her fear, "Would you let them go?" Kitchel protested this- "We won't let you do this alone. We're staying with you!"

"Yes, but you must stay here forever."

"Then you have my word." Her eyes dropped to the floor.

"Done."

One of the beasts came forward and pulled the dungeon door from the doorway, and then pulled Nohiro from it. Two suits of armor from the door took the order, "Take him to the crossroads." They grabbed Nohiro and left, leaving Kitchel and Cesia thrown aside, and Tintlett collapsed on the ground. A small pressure on one of the beast's legs caused them to notice Ruwalk standing there.

"Umm, perhaps you should offer them a room, with a more comfortable bed, as they're going to be staying here for a while…" The candlestick got a sense of being glared at and squeaked, "Then again, maybe not," before hurrying off.

One turned back, and noticed the three girls. "What is it?"

"You didn't even let us say goodbye. We'll never see him again."

"We'll show you to your room."

The finality in the voice brooked no argument, and Cesia looked up a little. "But, I thought…" The shape closest to the door growled out, "Do you want to stay in the tower?" The girls flinched at the tone.

"No…"

The shape between the last two voices muttered, "Then come with us." Hesitantly, the girls stood and followed, heads bowed and shoulders slumped.

"The castle is your home now…" The creature on the right spoke. "You are free to go anywhere you wish, except for the West Wing." Kitchel looked up. "What's in the West-" "It is forbidden!" The one on the left snapped, and Tintlett shrank back.

The procession went on, and a door loomed up in front of them. "This is your room. If you need anything, our people will attend you." The door opened, and the girls were shown inside. The room was dark, and silent, and the only light was that of the faint hall lights coming in the doorway. The door began to close, but the second voice, the harsh one, was heard clearly. "You'll join us for dinner; that's not a request!" came into the room before the door slammed.

o.O

Nohiro was abandoned at the crossroads, where he had missed a turn and lost his way earlier. Somehow, the dark, stormy weather that surrounded the lair of the beasts he had stumbled onto had melted away, and the sun was shining happily through the leafy green foliage. Now he could clearly see the signpost pointing him in the direction of the town again, and he set off at as quick a pace as he could, being sick and all, towards home. Strangely, as quickly as they had dumped him there, the suits if armor disappeared. Surely that was not natural behavior…

o.O

The room they found themselves inside was dark, but with no little amount of stumbling around a window was found. The pale moonlight pouring through the window was hardly enough to light the room, but now they could see the bed, and the chair beside it.

Kitchel flopped on the bed, facedown in what, admittedly, was a soft, thick, dark blue quilt. Tintlett curled up in the easy chair next to it, knees under her chin, and arms around her knees. Cesia meant to sit on the edge of the bed, but her knees gave out beneath her as she walked over to her sisters. . (A/n: ahh, the dramatics…but then, Cesia's always been that way. More humor if you can get through this scene, I promise!) Tintlett looked out the window, but there was no chance of seeing Nohiro before he disappeared, having been long gone before the temper tantrums of the beasts.

"Yes, I made the choice," she murmured softly, breath ghosting on the window, and this drew her sister's attentions. "Nohiro, I will stay…"

Kitchel, her face buried into the pillow, yelled her anger. "But I don't deserve to lose my freedom in this way, you monsters!" Cesia looked up at Tintlett as her sister continued, "If you think that what you've done is right, well then, you're a fool!" Kitchel glared off into the darkness towards the door. "Think again!"

Behind the door, one of the beasts still remained, listening to the girls talking inside.

"Is this home? Is this where I should learn to be happy?" One voice trembled softly, as if to keep from crying, and another replied, "Never dreamed that a home could be dark and cold…" A new voice joined them, and the beast turned away. It was the voice of the girl he had snapped at. "I was told every day in my childhood: even when you grow old…" He was striding down the hallway as the other voices chimed in with the well known saying Nohiro always used to tell them, "Home should be where the heart is…"

"Never where words so true!"

"My heart's far, far away; home is too."

He couldn't stand it anymore. Why had they trespassed on his property? They must have known there would be consequences. His head was spinning with all sorts of new thoughts and ideas, and he couldn't contain it anymore. Damn the three of them to hell.

…_Is this home_

_Is this what I must learn to believe in?_

_Try to find_

_Something good in this tragic place_

_Just in case_

_I should stay here forever_

_Held in this empty place_

_Oh, that won't be easy_

_I know the reason why_

_My heart's far, far away_

_Home's a lie…_

Cesia smile weakly at Tintlett as she admitted, "What I'd give to return to the life that I knew lately," and Kitchel sat up and declared, "And to think, I'd complained of that poor provincial town!" They all had to smile at that. "Is this home? Are we here for a day or forever? Shut away, from the world until who knows when?"

The question could only be answered by fate, it seems, for certainly none of the three of them knew the answer, but Tintlett quietly continued, "Oh, but then as our lives has been altered once they can change again."

Kitchel was positively uninhibited now, and she spoke like a true thief, "Build higher walls around me, change every lock and key; nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me…"

"My heart's far, far away…Home and free!"

o.O

The sound of voices inside the room the knights had given the three girls died away, and Raseleane turned to Lykouleon. "Should we talk to them now?"

Tetheus chose this moment to point out in a dignified manner (this manner was all that was left to him now that he was the butt of many jokes behind his back due to his demoted stature) "If you don't talk to them now, they're liable to fall asleep." This decided the queen, and she knocked smartly on the door.

"Who is it?" a voice asked softly from inside the room, and Raseleane called out, "Raseleane, dear, would you like some tea?"

"Oh, yes, please," came the affirmative and Lykouleon pushed the door open.

Three sets of eyes were looking at what should have been eye level, but sadly, as diminished as the castle inhabitants had become, the three guests looked right over the Dragon Lord and Lady.

"Ahem…" Tetheus cleared his throat, and the girls' eyes shifted down.

"Oh, but you're a-" the girl in the chair cried softly, and the girl on the bed leapt up.

"Raseleane, dear," the Dragon Queen smiled kindly, and added for good taste, "Pleased to make your acquaintances."

Kitchel, who had leapt up, slowly backed away from the collection of kitchenware that had apparently taken it upon themselves to take a trip up to their room, and bumped into a wardrobe. Unfortunately for her, the wardrobe, who turned out to be Cernozura, protested being bumped, and nearly frightened Kitchel out of her skin by chiding her gently, "Careful, dear."

In the dim light of the room, the girls' wide eyes were the only parts of them that the objects could clearly make out. Introductions followed this, and the kindly tone that the inhabitants of the castle used, in Raseleane's view anyway, calmed the girls down a bit, as they seemed more open once they knew who (or rather, what) they were talking to.

After a nice cup of tea, provided by Zoma and Ringleys, Raseleane finished her welcoming speech, hopping over to Tintlett, who, like her normal quiet self, was staring out the window.

"Cheer up child. It will turn out alright in the end, you'll see."

Cesia, who immediately made friends with Zoma, held the little cup in her hands as the lady sang softly, "I hope that we'll be friends, though I don't know you well, if anyone can make the most of living here then girls it's you! And who knows? You may find home here, too!"

After this, on their way out of the room, Raseleane mentioned quietly to Cernozura, "I can't wait to dress them up in some of our old dresses!"

o.O

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Nadil was taking Cesia's rejection very badly. It seems that not every girl in the village was completely enraptured by his ahem manliness. (At least in his mind.)

Currently he was sitting by the fire bemoaning the sad turn of events that had recently occurred. "Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man!" He had been ranting like this for the better part of the evening, after he got out of the pit of depression he had sunk into directly following his dismissal. ("Is it my hair? Was my hair un-combed? Did the gel dry the wrong way?")

However, right now this self pity was really starting to grate on Shydeman's nerves. He decided to just agree with Nadil and see if he could change the direction of the demon's thinking.

"Darn right."

Nadil, a little more enthusiastically, added, "No one says "no" to Nadil!"

'That didn't work the way I thought it would…' Shydeman sighed. Nadil was now off on a tirade against the offenses done to him that day. He was also, in Shydeman's mind, exaggerating just a _tiny_ bit. But the bimbo-girls- that flocked around him were drinking it right up.

"Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear."

'How can I shut him up?'

A waiter with a tray of beer was intercepted and Shydeman shoved the contents at Nadil.

"More beer?"

Nadil looked at the tray like it was something he had scraped off of the bottom of his boot. "What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced."

'Oh no, he's sinking back into his 'pity me' mode!' Shydeman said the first thing that came to his mind. "Who, you? Never! Nadil, you've got to pull yourself together."

It earned him a glare, but at least he wasn't bemoaning himself anymore like a bad actor. Shydeman decided to continue, hoping that the night wouldn't end in tragedy. "Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Nadil, looking so down in the dumps. Every guy here'd love to be you, Nadil, even when taking your lumps."

The other people frequenting the bar agreed to this statement with a resounding cheer. (although who knows how intoxicated they were already…) "There's no man in town as admired as you, you're everyone's favorite guy…Everyone's awed and inspired by you, and it's not very hard to see why…"

Shydeman noticed more than a few guys watching jealously as Shyrendora, Medicinea, and Jilge draped themselves adoringly over Nadil, who, hearing such praise being given to him, now straightened up. (Humble he is not.)

"No one's slick as Nadil, no one's quick as Nadil, no one's neck's as incredibly thick as Nadil's, for there's no man in town half as manly, perfect, a pure paragon!" Shydeman wasn't really great at rhyming anyway, and he began to sweat a little, wondering how long he could keep it up. Luckily, the other bar-goers decided to help him out.

"You can ask any Saabel, Fedelta or Kirukulus, and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on…" Kharl attempted to say (quickly) the names of the village guys who were currently involved in a heated game of poker, leaving him out of breath and subject to their glares. Nevertheless, Shydeman and Kharl continue to exalt the exemplar of perfect manhood (demonhood?) that is Nadil.

"No one's been like Nadil!"

"A king pin like Nadil!"

One of the drunker patrons of the pub toasted his mug in Nadil's general direction and shouted, "No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Nadil!"

Shydeman was a _little_ bit disturbed by this but Nadil took it in stride, announcing to the world at large, "As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!" earning the reply, "My what a guy, that Nadil!"

Watching the scene unfolding before him, the barkeep sighed and shrugged; it wasn't his job to keep them cone sold stober….

Meanwhile, the party raged on.

"Give five "hurrahs!"

"Give twelve "hip-hips!"

Shydeman slurped another mouthful of his fourth-or was it fifth- beer and shouted, "Nadil is the best and the rest is all drips!" flinging his arms around and sloshing beer all down Nadil's front. Nadil landed a neat punch right on Shydeman's chin, and this started a riot, as the people Shydy crashed into took it personally and retaliated.

"No one fights like Nadil

Douses lights like Nadil

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Nadil!"

Shyrendora, Jilge, and Medicinea were enthralled at this example of demonish-ness on Nadil's part and screeched, "For there's no one as burly and brawny!" before fainting. Nadil caught them all and hoisted them into the air above his head; "As you see I've got biceps to spare." Jilge recovered and latched onto Nadil's arm, admiring the demon lord.

"Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny," "That's right! And every last inch of me's covered with hair!" Shydeman winced and turned away…he did _not_ have to see that.

The other regulars at the bar continued off on their rants about the almighty Nadil, although they were running out of things to rhyme so it ended up sounding like this: "No one shoots like Nadil, makes those beauts like Nadil, then goes tromping around wearing boots like Nadil!"

The fact that many of them would have a hard time finding their houses and walking in something resembling a straight line didn't help at all. Nadil crowed over the ruckus, "I use antlers in all of my decorating!"

"My what a guy,

Nadil!"

o.O

The ode to Nadil's demonishness ended with a resounding crash (quite literally) as the drunken inhabitants of the bar crashed mugs together, and some missed and crashed heads instead.

Running over the prone figures of those unlucky enough to crash heads, Nohiro dashed into the bar and began screeching about a ginormous beast taking all three of his sisters and basically flipping out. "Will you help me out!" he pleaded to Nadil, after Shydeman, Kirikulus, and Fedelta made fun of him, and Nadil smirked.

"Of course, Nohiro, we'll help you OUT." While Nohiro was stammering out his thanks, Fedelta and Shydeman picked him up under his arms and bodily threw him out of the pub.

o.O

"Crazy Nohiro, hmmm? Crazy Nohiro..." Nadil mused as the night wore on, many people leaving the bar for home (or the snowdrift three yards down the road, depending on how smashed they were).

"Shydeman, I'm afraid I've been thinking,"

"A dangerous pastime-"

"I know."

Nadil glared at his cohort, and Shydeman hid behind his Steiner. "But that whacky weird coot is Cesia's brother and his sanity's only "so-so"…" He demonstrated, leaving this author to wonder how much of the motion was an act…

"Now the wheels in my head have been turning since I looked at that loony, odd man; see, I've promised myself I'd be married to Cesia, and right now I'm evolving a plan…"

Nadil leaned forward and whispered, "If I…"

Shydeman: "Yes?"

Nadil: "Then we …"

Shydeman: "No! Would she!"

Nadil: "Guess!"

Shydeman: "Now I get it!"

"Let's go!"

Pleased with the planning of his dastardly deed, Nadil began again with the song/chant/poem he was considering calling 'An Ode to Me':

"No one plots like Nadil, takes cheap shots like Nadil," letting Shydeman eagerly insert, "Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Nadil,"

The barkeep sighed as the list went on….and on……and on…….until he decided he'd rather go visit his sweetheart, and locked the two in as they cavorted in glee. They didn't even notice that he had shut off the electricity. They were too intoxicated with the taste of the spotlight that had appeared as the pirouetted.

"Yes, I'm endlessly, wildly resourceful,"

"As down to the depths you descend,"

"I won't even be mildly remorseful,"

"Just as long as you get what you want in the end!"

"Who has brains like Nadil?"

"Entertains like Nadil?"

Authoress: Who can make up these endless refrains like Nadil?"

Pause

Nadil and Shydeman: look at authoress, look at each other

Authoress Cat: conducting last few measures

Nadil and Shydeman: "And his marriage we soon will be celebrating………"

"My what a guy-Nadil!"

The spotlight turns off as soon as they say "Nadil", the authoress Cat vanishes with mutterings of "…pocky…" and the set and sound crew go find a place that's still open where they can party.

Shydeman: "Hey, at least they locked us in with the beer!"

Beer: empty

o.O

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

Rune sat on the ledge of a window which had once been his favorite meditation spot- now it was one of his only sanctuaries left. His thoughts left the moon, which he had been gazing at, and fell back to the mysterious girls that they had imprisoned.

Ruwalk had mentioned, with Alfeegi by his side, that these may be "the girls we have been waiting for." Thatz had summed up their feelings succinctly: "No duh." Rath had simply glared and withdrawn further into himself.

A piece of paper fluttered by, picked up from the table across the room by the breeze drifting through. It made Rune feel sickening; dirty.

"How long must this go on?

This cruel trick of fate?

I simply made one careless wrong decision…."

It reminded Rune of Rath's handwriting…but twisted. Why Rath was writing this down, he couldn't fathom, but then, none of them were doing anything "normal" anyway.

Rune could almost add another line to the questions:

"And then the witch was gone

And left me in this state

An object of revulsion and derision…"

Thatz was in the hallway, passing outside that room which had been given to those girls…and the hope he almost felt strengthened.

But then the memory of what he used to be, what he was now, choked that fragile hope. He strode off, not looking back.

Hated...

Is there no one

Who can show me

How to win the world's forgiveness?

o.O

A/n- wow, 6 pages without the formatting! Just over 10 with! And all that while dealing with massive writer's block! I personally found this section of the story line long and laborious, but I promise that I have a surprise in store for you as soon as I update again. It involves most of the cast of the Dragon Castle in one of the most spectacular parts of the show- I'm sure you can all guess.

Think music, dance and dinner.

haHA YES Ruwalk shall be starring in the next chapter, which may only have one "Song/theme" in it, but you all should be able to predict what it is and why it would be long…haha Alfeegi goodness.

Wow I'm quite rambling on, aren't I? I think, instead of continuing to ramble, I shall…begin typing the next chapter for whom-ever is left reading this fic!

Till next time!

Oh, one technical note that perhaps you don't care about….

As you may have noticed, my o.O indicates a change in setting, but I took the liberty of adding it in at a few other scene breaks this chapter-since I first started off using it because my expression was o.O after most scene breaks, I decided to slide it in as a comment as to what had just happened. (see Nadil's party scene…o.O if I've ever seen it.)

But I Just thought that you'd want to know.

If not, skedaddle.

But before you do, REVIEW! I know you're out there! 273 hits, at time of post! Why don't you just review and say, "I read it". Cut, paste, there ya go. Comment anonymously, I don't care!

But you all want to see Ruwalk dance, don't you?

…Alfeegi might just dance if you ask him nicely. 

R&R!


	5. Chapter 5

In which…there is food, wine, and much rejoicing.

Tetheus: but how will they eat without using utensils? Because the only utensils currently in the castle are…well…former dragon fighters.

Cats: No one eats during this scene, silly Tetheus! Haven't you ever watched the movie?

Tetheus:…no.

Cats: Anyway, we'll import some new stuff from China before they'll be needed in a scene…because China makes everything!

Alfeegi: …there she goes squandering the castle funds again…I'll get her this time…plotting

Cats: o.O On with the fic! And Disney owns Beauty and the Beast, Mineko Okhami owns the DK cast, and I don't own Jell-o brand gelatin either…but oh, if I did…

o.O

It was dinner time. Everyone who's anyone knows that this means that Thatz is hungry. Heck, half the time it's not dinnertime and he's hungry. Anyway, the point was he was hungry, and this was making him impatient.

"Where are they! I told them to come down to dinner!" he paced back and forth, making onlookers such as Reema and Raseleane dizzy.

"Perhaps they're just a little busy and a tad late?" Raseleane suggested gently, and Alfeegi scoffed. Being late was against his personal philosophy. This earned him a scowl from Rath and the suggestion, "Why don't you go get them, Alfeegi?"

Alfeegi had no choice but to comply, and stalked out. Who knows how long it would take him to get up the stairs this time…damn things were up to his waist. Raseleane took the moment to remark gently, "You know, these may be the girls we have been waiting for." This caused three heads to turn in her direction. "We know."

Ruwalk jumped into the conversation. "Well, you have dinner, she falls in love with you, you fall in love with her, and wah-lah, human again by midnight!" Lykouleon rested a hand (or would have, had he had said appendage) on Ruwalk's arm (or would have, had he had said appendage). "Now, now, it's not that simple…"

Rune laughed bitterly. "Besides, look at us." Rath glowered at this reminder of his twisted form, and Raseleane stepped in and chided gently, "Now, now, you can change some of that- stand up straight!" Three bodies straightened. Lykouleon added, "Shoulders back."

"Big smile,"

"Be sincere,"

"But honest…"

And the last was aimed at all three, though some were more prone to it than others, "and you must control your temper!"

Footsteps, presumably coming down the stairs, then a stumble and a painful slide down the last few steps. "I think 'Feegi is back…" Lykouleon grinned as the hapless clock-dragon-man stumbled through the door. "Well?" The three knights asked expectantly, angrily, impatiently.

"What?" Alfeegi's voice was higher and tighter than usual, even as he tried to appear normal, his hands twisted behind his back so they couldn't see the white knuckles.

"Where are the girls?"

"What girls?"

If it wasn't such a _bad_ time for Alfeegi to be playing 'twenty questions', Lykouleon and Ruwalk would have burst out laughing. The tension in the air was building, and just before it could erupt, Alfeegi squeaked, eyes huge and wide, "Oh, _those _girls… well, you see, they're…circumstances being what they are…"

Low growls from Rath's corner of the room and growls (though who knows, he was hungry, it may have been his stomach…) from Thatz caused Alfeegi to spit it all out.

"They'renotcoming."

Ruwalk had just enough time to flinch before-

"WHAT!"

With a noise like a thousand elephants thundering by in tap shoes, Thatz and Rath shoved the door open and tore up the staircase to the room they had left the girls in, Rune on their heels and the other objects subject to the conversation and temper tantrum following close behind. Thatz arrived first, pounding on the door hard enough that the walls shivered.

"I thought I told you to join me for dinner!"

From inside the room came a quivering voice. "I'm not hungry."

Reema flinched and hid behind Alfeegi. "If you don't, I'll drag you down by your hair!" Rath's addition was no gentler than Thatz's, and Raseleane flinched. "Gently…"

"But she-!" Thatz pointed angrily and indignantly at the door. "Perhaps," Lykouleon suggested, "This isn't the best way to earn the girls' affections." Rath glared.

"But they're being. So. Difficult."

"ple-e-ese, attempt to be gentlemanly." Alfeegi pleaded.

"Would you join me for dinner?" Thatz tried again, temper in control-barely. Alfeegi made a "go on" motion with his hands- or what passed for hands…, and Rune added, "Please."

"No thank you." Tintlett replied petulantly, and this was the final straw.

"Fine-go ahead and starve!" Thatz turned to the objects. "If they don't eat with us, then they don't eat at all." He stomped down the hall, cloak flaring, and a distant door was heard slamming.

Rath swept off on his own to who knows where, and Rune disappeared on his by himself. "Well, you heard them," Alfeegi spoke after recovering sufficiently so his voice didn't shake. "Ruwalk, you stay here and make sure they don't leave the room. I am off to inspect the kitchens once more…" he marched off looking all self-important, and the others broke up, going their own separate ways.

approximately two hours later, same location

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes…"

"oh NO!"

"Oh yes…"

"No no no no no! I have been burnt by you before!" A flustered napkin hurried off from behind the curtain where Ruwalk had been trying to woo her. Unfortunately, as things go, he had been unsuccessful again and he was left by himself in front of the girls' open door.

…

Wait, the door was open!

'Alfeegi is SO gonna kill me…'

o.O

"Is it safe?" Kitchel poked her head out into the hall. "I think so, can't see anybody around…or anything," she added to be on the safe side, checking around the floor for things not at eye level- like that beer mug and the fork. "Let's look around!" Tintlett decided, and skipped down the hallway. (A/n- Rune: Tintlett does not skip! Cat: Yes dear, whatever dear…Rune: Are you even paying attention to me? Cat: Yes dear, whatever dear…)

A slight rumbling in Cesia's stomach reminded her that refusing dinner may not have been the best idea ever, but luckily, Kitchel stumbled across –_found_ the kitchen in no time at all.

"Oh, there you are dearies!" Raseleane looked up from where she was having a _riveting_ conversation about ruffles verses lace with Reema (who was roped into it because Cernozura wasn't around…)

This caused Alfeegi, who was having a friendly discussion with the Lord about how the burners on the stove they currently owned were a fire hazard, and something about having Ruwalk and Tetheus create new ones since splurging and buying them would cause havoc on the economy in Yugoslavia (or somewhere equally irrelevant to the kitchen and it's stove), blah blah blah, to look up at the guests while the stove, who had been their chief cook until the curse wrought havoc on everyone, contemplated what would go into the white dragon officer's next meal.

"Are you comfortable in the castle?" Reema inquired, and Tintlett nodded. "It's quite fine, wonderful service…" She had nothing against these nice people, because as she heard before, it seems as if their masters were the ones responsible for the whole kidnapping/hostage scenario.

"But I'm kind of hungry…" Cesia told Raseleane. "Hear that, she's hungry!" Raseleane was quite happy with this, and things began happening at a rapid pace in the kitchen.

Alfeegi came stomping over. "Do you remember what the masters said? They said---oof!"

Ruwalk rocketed into Alfeegi. "Alfeegi, I swear I didn't leave the door way but the girls are-"

Lykouleon tapped on Ruwalk's shoulder and pointed behind him.

"Oh."

"You were saying, Ruwalk?" Alfeegi's eye twitched and Ruwalk figured this would be a good time to put some distance between himself and the clock.

…

"Why, good evening, Mademoiselles!" Ruwalk edged away from the twitching clock. "I am Ruwalk, Yellow Dragon Officer." He swept into a bow with a flourish, and kissed up Kitchel's arm. Alfeegi spluttered behind them, and Ruwalk added, "…this is Alfeegi."

After introducing herself and her husband (and whoever else was floating around nearby,) Raseleane told Lykouleon (again) that the girls were hungry. "I'll fire up the ovens and wake the china!"

Alfeegi gave in to the inevitable. "Alright, glass of water, crust of bread, and then back to bed." …Or not quite. "Oh, Alfeegi, have a heart, they're not our prisoners, they're our guests! We must make them feel welcome here!" Ruwalk scolded the clock-man, and ushered the girls into the dining room off of the kitchen.

"Oh, alright, but keep it down; if the masters find out about this it'll be our necks." Alfeegi realized probably no one was listening to him while he addressed their backs. Ruwalk peered around the door at Alfeegi, asking, "But what is dinner, without a little music?"

He disappeared into the dining room as Alfeegi shouted, "MUSIC!", and by the time that Alfeegi had worked the door open again (hey, they were big, he was small, it was tough) Ruwalk was on the dinner table, and a spotlight had appeared from no where by order of the authoress to rest on the candlestick.

"Me cheres Mademoiselles, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight. And now we invite you to relax, let us pull up a chair as the dining room proudly presents - your dinner!" Kitchel looked at Cesia, who looked at Tintlett, who looked at Kitchel- this was gonna be good.

Ruwalk commanded their attention with his next declaration. "Be our guest! Be our guest! Put our service to the test!" Kai-stern now appeared at Kitchel's right hand, offering a napkin to each girl in turn. "Tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie, and we provide the rest," And from the kitchen there appeared dancing plates bearing food. Being fine china, they were kind of noisy, and because excess noise is a sign of chaos, which is most definitely NOT orderly, Alfeegi felt the need to try to prohibit the dancing of plates.

They ran him over (accidentally….we think.)

"Soup du jour, hot hors d'oeuvres, why, we only live to serve!" They squeaked in perfect harmony, and Reema suggested, "Try the grey stuff!" which Cesia did. Zoma popped up onto the table and announced, "It's delicious!" which it was, but what WAS it? That, no one had the answer for.

Ruwalk avoided the whole 'mystery grey stuff' situation by discussing the plates… "They can sing, they can dance, after all, Miss, this is France and a dinner here is never second best!"

Lykouleon looked at his wife for a moment after hearing this, remembering a not so pleasant experience in the not so distant past, then requesting something along the lines of "never let Alfeegi try to cook me dinner again…" not realizing that said person was right behind him. He started running.

"Go on, unfold your menu,"

He dodged right,

"And take a glance and then you'll-"

Wow, Alfeegi was faster than he looked,

"Be our guest,"

cough, wheeze

"Oui, our guest, be our guest!"

A commotion broke out in the kitchen area and to Tetheus' utter dismay and further embarrassment the Dragon Fighters-turned-spoons, forks, and knives were coerced into dancing with the faerie light/napkins. They even sang the next verse.

"Beef ragout, cheese soufflé, pie and pudding "en flambe"!"

If the fighters didn't shut up, Tetheus' good name would be tarnished forever. Oh wait, that happened when he became a fork. A cloud of gloom descended over Tetheus.

Kai-stern and Cernozura had their arms around the other's shoulders and danced while declaring, "We'll prepare and serve with flair, a culinary cabaret!"

Reema popped up, dragging Alfeegi into the thick of things, not noticing that out of all of them present, only she could put him through this and come out unscathed.

"You're alone, and you're scared, but the banquet's all prepared!"

Alfeegi felt like crying. All of the food that he had just put up money for was being prepared now…that was supposed to last for the next month…

Zoma and Ringleys were hopping around on the table chanting, "No one's gloomy or complaining while the flatware's entertaining!"

Lykouleon and Ruwalk (who had helped the Lord escape, thus ensuring Alfeegi's wrath) crept out from under the table once they realized that Alfeegi wasn't chasing them-for the moment-and Ruwalk resumed his serving of the food. Sadly, he couldn't ride his unicycle for entertainment since he no longer possessed legs, and resorted to juggling grapes which he grabbed on their way by.

"We tell jokes; I do tricks, with my fellow candlesticks!"

Just as Alfeegi got over crying for the large steak he had been saving for Sunday, he turned to see Lykouleon and several other Steiners proclaiming something about perfect taste and lifting your glass to free passes and guests. It took several minutes for his brain to process that it was LYKOULEON of all people leading the whatever it was about perfect toast and passing free guests, and by then Ruwalk just had to say, If you're stressed it's fine dining we suggest!" and that never helped HIM at all when he was stressed-which, in retrospect, was almost every hour on the hour-and somehow he found himself strangling Ruwalk on the sidelines as the napkins and cutlery began a dance routine to the music that Delte had selected from the jukebox that hadn't been in the room this morning. Which meant someone had spent MORE money on things they didn't need!

"Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Get your worries off your chest

Let us say for your entree

We've an array; may we suggest:

Try the bread! Try the soup!

When the croutons loop de loop

It's a treat for any dinner

Don't belive me? Ask the china!

Singing pork! Dancing veal!

What an entertaining meal!

How could anyone be gloomy and depressed?

We'll make you shout "encore!"

And send us out for more

So, be our guest!"

Lykouleon:

Be our guest!

All (except those being choked and doing the choking):

Be our guest!

Raseleane, being her happy, cheerful self, was exclaiming over the new visitor/prisoners of the castle with Cernozura, who somehow had gotten down several flights of stairs and through some doorways, which was quite a feat for a wardrobe of her size.

"It's a guest! It's a guest! Sakes alive, well I'll be blessed! Wine's been poured and thank the Lord I've had the napkins freshly pressed." 'Why's she thanking the Lord! _I_ was the one who ended up doing that!' Alfeegi's wrath burned out, leaving him depressed in a corner, finally allowing Ruwalk to breathe.

"With dessert they'll want tea and my dears that's fine with me! While the cups do their soft-shoein' I'll be bubbling, I'll be brewing," Raseleane and Reema were doing a little dance together as Raseleane was singing, Zoma and Ringleys hopping around beside them.

"I'll get warm, piping hot- heaven's sakes! Is that a spot? Clean it up! We want the company impressed! We've got a lot to do!"

Raseleane kindly refilled the girls' cups of tea, which were almost empty, and asked, "Is it one lump or two? For you're our guests!"

Ringleys and Zoma: "They're our guests!"

Reema: "They're our guests!"

Tetheus' Cutlery: "They're our guests! Be our guest! Be our guest! Be our guest!"

From somewhere above them in the room, a spotlight appeared, shining down on Ruwalk, who stood alone in the center of the table. "Life is so unnerving for a servant who's not serving; he's not whole without a soul to wait upon!"

He grabbed Alfeegi (just because he was the closest) and slung his arm over the teal haired officer's shoulder, rocking from side to side. "Ah, those good old days when we were useful…suddenly those good old days are gone. Ten years we've been rusting, needing so much more than dusting- needing exercise, a chance to use our skills! Most days we just lay around the castle…Flabby, fat and lazy, you walked in and oops-a-daisy!"

Ruwalk poked at Alfeegi with every word "flabby" "fat" and "lazy", the latter backing up a step with each, until he backed onto a spoon accidentally, which someone else who looked suspiciously like a napkin/faerie light ran over, sending Alfeegi flying.

The general chorus of all the inhabitants of the castle came forward now with a refrain that was picking up speed as it went on…

"Be our guest

Be our guest

Our command is your request

It's been years since we've had anybody here

And we're obsessed

With your meal

With your ease

Yes, indeed, we aim to please,"

drumroll please

Alfeegi, back now from the Jell-o brand gelatin disclaimer into which he had been flung, saw a disaster forming before his very eyes, and to the best of his abilities, he was determined to stop it.

"While the candlelight's still glowing

Let us help you

We'll keep going…"

Reema, Raseleane, Lykouleon, Tetheus (he must have been bribed), and countless other members of the household were forming a line, with Ruwalk on the end. Alfeegi ran out in front of them, hearing Ruwalk shout, "I love this part!" from the other side of the table.

"No, no, not the kickline!" Alfeegi screeched, but on they came, shouting, "Course…by…course!" Alfeegi ran for the hills, screaming, as he was nearly run over.

However, Ruwalk snagged him on his way past and somehow Alfeegi joined the kickline.

"One by one

'Til you shout, "Enough! I'm done!"

Then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digest

Tonight you'll prop your feet up

But for now, let's eat up

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Be our guest!

Please, be our guest!"

There was a great finale finishing, and Reema, Raseleane, and Lykouleon struck poses with their arms (or not, this being the case) out; Tetheus just kinda stood there (he's a FORK), and Alfeegi found himself in the center, somehow, and…OMG were those HIS feet dancing?…Wow, it felt kind of nice…and then Ruwalk barreled on through, pushing Alfeegi out of the way and stealing the spotlight for himself, arms outspread as fireworks (aka bottles of champagne) went off in the background.

o.O

Cats: clapping wildly standing ovation

And there you have it folks! This has been another part of O:B&TB DK style! Now, we are almost half way done, and the next part will be up soon…as soon as I finish raising more money to refill the castle funds, the draining of which has been blamed on me, of all people.

I have decided that the few omitted scenes in the performance being typed for your entertainment should be re-submitted, so I will be revising this fic once it is completed. Be sure to stop on by after finishing to find the new stuff.

It would also be nice to hear about what my cast did well while performing for you, and what we should work on to make this the perfect experience for you and your families.

…that means review.

Did you like Alfeegi dancing? (It could happen again-or something of a similar nature…if you're all good readers, and if you have a little luck!)

Ta ta for now!

Ps: I do not speak French in any way, shape or form. The French dialogue has been borrowed with utmost respect from one of the many web pages devoted to helping you fins the right lyrics. If there is anything wrong, please remember that I am French-illiterate, and blame another website. Si? Muy bien gracias!


	6. Chapter 6

In Which… Alfeegi learns not to quit his day job and start a career as a tour guide, some subtle manipulation occurs, and although our favorite knights are willing to compromise, they still end up being emo in the dark.

A/N: hello all, and sorry for the late update. Life comes at you fast. Here I present the next chapter, and hope I haven't been forgotten tear.

o.O

"WOW!"

"Awesome!"

"Bravo, Bravo!"

Ruwalk and his crew of dancing minions got a standing ovation following their outstanding performance, and Lykouleon and the rest of the crew took a bow, and then another. Alfeegi picked himself off of the floor, and stumped over to give Ruwalk a piece of his mind-what WOULD the knights say if they found out?!-but was detained by Cesia enthusiastically thanking him and voicing her total admiration, causing him to puff up and preen, completely forgetting his reign of terror.

"Ah, yes, it WAS wonderful, wasn't it? Oh, my, look at the time! Well, off to bed, off to bed…" Alfeegi gestured in a pompous manner with is hands, intending to shoo the three girls off to bed.

"What? Bed?" Kitchel asked around a mouthful of cookie. "No way, I'm just getting started! I want to explore!"

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea…" Alfeegi protested, looking to Ruwalk for help on this subject, but Tintlett cut him off with a firm, "Why don't you take us on a tour? I'm sure you know all there is to know about living in this castle."

Alfeegi looked up, at the girls, then at the castle halls, then at Ruwalk, who, in his humble opinion, was not anything like a worthy tour guide, and said rather smugly, "Why, yes, I do." He took off, already discussing the cherubs painted on the cathedral ceilings in some obscure technique now abandoned by artists, with Ruwalk meandering along behind him. Cesia flashed Tintlett a thumbs up behind their backs.

o.O

"Now, boys, you must show them that you are kind, generous, and thoughtful." Raseleane lectured Rune, Thatz, and Rath sternly. "That's the only way they're ever going to trust you!"

"I don't want them to trust me." Rath complained, playing with Fire in a corner.

Thatz picked his teeth with a toothpick. "Heck, as long as that weird one stays away from my food, and my treasure, I say whatever."

Sensing that no one else was likely to be cooperative, Rune asked with a patient sigh and a look of long suffering, "What should we do?", knowing that it was exactly what Raseleane was waiting for.

"Ooh, well, you see, first you take this, and…"

o.O

"Next, you see that the armor standing at attention along these hallways are reminiscent of the Baroque period; and as I like to say, if it isn't baroque, don't fix it!" Alfeegi exclaimed, laughing at his own joke and wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. Clearly, it was past someone's coughcough bedtime, but don't hold it against him.

Kitchel mouths 'that was lame' over the clock's head (which wasn't hard to do) and he never even notices.

"Now, let me call attention to the stonework embellishing the staircases here on the north side of the castle…" Alfeegi continues, droning on and on about the most boring subjects possible in the castle. Kitchel is much more interested in the dark passages and closed doors off of the main corridor they are traveling down. 'Hmmm…'

o.O

"Are you sure this will work?" Rune asked Raseleane, glancing uncertainly at the tray in his hands and at the teapot.

"Of course it will, dearie, it shows that you are sensitive and considerate!" the teapot exclaims. "Now, if you don't hurry, they will be asleep already!" Raseleane throws them from her kitchen, and Rath and Thatz look at Rune. "Hey, how did we get involved in this?"

"I dunno, but maybe they'll share their food with us!"

"Didn't you just eat?"

"That was my after-dinner snack. Now it's almost time for my almost-midnight snack."

"Thatz, it's only nine thirty."

"Your point, Mr. Know-it-all?"

…sigh.

Footsteps approached them as they drew near to the girl's bedroom and Alfeegi's voice made its way to them: "…and that's the last time a rock of that size was quarried in these parts…"

"Quick, in here!" Rune pushed the other two into the almost closed doorway of a room nearby. Two heads poked out around the doorframe, and a hand appeared to pull them back in.

"And this is where our most delightful tapestries hang, aren't they lovely? They compliment the tone of the castle most delightfully." Alfeegi commented, drawing Kitchel, Cesia, and Tintlett into his monotonous lecture for the first time.

"It is quite beautiful," Tintlett answered truthfully. In an undertone, Cesia added, "if only THEY weren't here…" just loud enough that the three once-knights could hear them.

Quickly their footprints faded away, leaving three figures crammed in an old supply closet. "I'm a fool." Rune muttered disgustedly, putting the tray bearing tea and biscuits down and stalking away.

"Why are we here?" Rath asked Thatz, still peering out of the supply closet at the now deserted hallway.

"I dunno; Rune seems rather moody lately if you ask me," Thatz helped himself to the discarded biscuits.

"Mmm, still warm." Rath grabbed one too. "Yeah, and random too. But it's good to see that Alfeegi's gotten in touch with his feminine side."

There was no appropriate response to this, so they sat in silence until Thatz tilted his head to one side, considering the girls. "Do you think they hate us?"

o.O

"Now, which way should we go next?" Cesia wondered, looking at the fork in the hallway. Tetheus tried to remain dignified, but the reference to dinner service was too much and he cried on the inside. Anyway, the hallway went in two directions, and they were trying to decide which to take. Kitchel looked up the dark, gloomy staircase to her right.

"This looks interesting…" It took Ruwalk and Alfeegi several minutes to realize that their guests were not still walking with them, Alfeegi being so wrapped up in his one sided conversation about the choice of carpets and the COST of all this stuff that kept accumulating even though he made a point of trashing it every weekend (he suspected Ruwalk played a major role in this, as did Kai-stern, but he couldn't prove it…yet.) and Ruwalk being nearly bored to tears from this same discussion.

"Wait!" In a flash they were in front of the girls, effectively (or not…they were only knee high) blocking them proceeding up the staircase.

"What's up there?" Cesia asked suspiciously, peering round a ninety degree angle in the staircase in hopes of seeing something else.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing of any interest is in the west wing!" Alfeegi replied too fast, to which Kitchel responded, "So that's the west wing…" and stepped over them both (she has no respect for the little people).

"If there's nothing there, they wouldn't have forbidden us from going there." She reasoned, and Ruwalk made a face at Alfeegi. "Nice going."

"Ummm, how about the gardens, or, or, the library?!" Ruwalk almost pleaded with the girls, and Tintlett perked right up.

"You have a library?!" she started back down the stairs.

"Yes, yes, of course,"

"with books!"

"Tons of books!"

"Scads of books!"

"Mountains of books!"

"Oceans of books!" Ruwalk and Alfeegi had started back down the corridor and were tailed closely by Tintlett until a 'psst!' from Cesia and a jerk of the head, up the stairs past where Kitchel was climbing into the West Wing dissuaded the book lover from her quest. Alfeegi and Ruwalk didn't even notice.

The darkening staircase that the girls climbed ended on a landing by which a single lantern glowed and gargoyle faces leered out at them, one even making the grotesque door handle. The whole aura reeked of forbidding and resentment. Cesia looked up at the door. "Are you sure about this? They did tell us not to go here…"

Kitchel looked over her shoulder and pulled a lock pick out of her pocket. "And I did tell them to let us go. Your point?"

Tintlett looked down, but "Hey, you dragged me from the library."

The door swung open and the girls crept in. Great, more darkness. "So, now what?" Tintlett asked.

"Now we look for something valuable!" Kitchel explained patiently, and began poking around the room.

After a few moments, Cesia piped up from across the room. "Umm, you do realize that most of this stuff is broken, right?"

It was true, once their eyes began to adjust to the darkness, the moon letting a little bit of light in through the broken stained glass windows; it was evident that there was nothing of any apparent value here. Tintlett silently studied the remnants of the windows, which judging by the deeply colored glass littering the ground, had once been very beautiful, expensive designs. Looking back over the room, the ruined objects seemed to be fragments of something lost, something beautiful.

Cesia pressed her fingers over a painting. The canvas had been ripped and torn off of its frame and draped haphazardly over a chair back, paint chipping off and sprinkling the seat of the chair like confetti. From what was left, faces smiled out at the viewer-or not, as the six men in the picture seemed to be captured in a specific moment in time. The one in the center had golden blonde hair and was on the verge of laughter, his eyes alight with happiness as he glanced over at a teal haired man in the right hand corner of the picture scowled at the others, although something in his demeanor seemed friendly and tolerant at the same time. Another man stood behind the golden haired man's chair, casually leaning on the high back and sharing the golden haired man's good nature. They must be good friends, Cesia mused. On the other side of the painting, in a pose that insinuated that he was almost hiding the teal haired man relaxed a pale haired man that also had a smile playing on his face. Behind him in solemn black stood the last man, standing so you could only see his profile. He seemed the most serious of the group, and slightly alarming, but the others were comfortable with his presence, and he seemed to know a secret that you didn't. Who were these people?

Carefully, Cesia picked the portrait up and brought it over to Kitchel and Tintlett. "Look at this," she murmured. For some reason, none of them had said anything in loud voices since they had entered the West Wing. "Wow…" Kitchel whistled lowly. "They certainly had a lot of money, do you see their clothes?"

"I wonder what happened to them," Tintlett mentioned. "I saw other paintings by the walls, but I can't make out any of the people in the paintings; their faces are gone or the canvas is in tatters."

"Where?" Kitchel stood up and bumped into a table behind them as she turned around. Something on the table moved and some cloth shifted. This wouldn't have been very important, but a slight glow slipped out from under the cloth. With the additional light the girls could see that under the cloth was a glass case of some sort.

"What is it?" Tintlett asked, the pale light glinting off of her eyes and hair as she leaned in to pull off the cloth. A rose, emitting a colorless luminosity from its ivory petals, elicited a simultaneous gasp from the girls. Suddenly Kitchel reached forward and lifted the glass away, causing the rose to seem even more perfect and ethereal in the impending gloom. Cesia lifted a hand to touch one translucent petal, just to see if it was real, but a roar startled her so badly that she stumbled away from the table, almost tripping over Kitchel. Tintlett shrank away as a tall figure swept to the table and slammed the glass back over the rose, shielding it from sight in its arms.

"What do you think you're doing?!" a figure snarled. "I thought we told you not to come here ever!" The hostile figures glaring at them caused them to flinch again, backing towards the doors.

"Do you know what you could have done?!" another voice asked in anguish, close enough to a yell that the girls' blood ran cold. The ground quaked beneath their feet, rolling and shuddering as if in suppressed horror.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry…" Tintlett stuttered weakly, "…w-w-we were j-just curious…"

The third figure, hidden by the shadows, stalked to one side but halted abruptly, spotting the portrait. "Wha- why were you looking at this?" he asked hoarsely, his tone becoming dangerous as he fixed his cruel gaze on first Tintlett, then Cesia and Kitchel.

"We, we just w-were looking a-a-around…"

"Get out." one said, straightening up and leaning heavily on the table. The girl's didn't move; they were frozen in fear.

"I said, get out!" they started creeping for the door, and then the ground quaked again, thunder crashing in the heavens as rain poured in sheets from the sky.

"GET. OUT!"

The roar followed them down the stairs, down the hallway, and somehow back to the main staircase, which they pounded down, not noticing the objects huddled by its base, listening fearfully to the chaos occurring in the other wing of the castle.

"Wait! Please-" Alfeegi called after the girls, but they snatched their cloaks off of the coat rack near the door and opened the door unheedingly.

"Promise or no promise, we won't stay here another moment!" Kitchel cried, bracing herself against the rain that was slowly hardening into a frozen sleet. The wind swept in before the door shut, extinguishing the few candles burning in the hall and plunging the castle into darkness. Lightning struck closer and closer, and flames sprung up behind the girls as they fled into the night, closing over their tracks and sizzling in the sleet.

Rune watched the girls leave from the broken windows, ice stinging his face. A shattered mirror in the corner reflected shards of his semblance, still heaving with anger and shame at his secrets, concealed away in this room for so long stripped of their veils and thrust into his face.

'_In my twisted face there's not the slightest trace of anything that even hints of kindness…'_

Rath stumbled to an armchair still recognizable but still mangled beyond a shadow of its former glory and collapsed, closing his eye so he wouldn't see himself any more than he needed.

'_From my tortured shape no comfort, no escape…'_

Thatz threw the painting away from him, muttering something indistinguishable. "I see, but deep within is utter blindness."

Rath laughed mirthlessly, his voice cracking. "Hopeless."

'_As my dream dies, as the time flies, love a lost illusion… helpless, unforgiven, cold and driven to this sad conclusion'_

The paintings propped on the walls gazed down at the three disgraced figures, faceless and unmoving.

_No beauty could move me_

Laughter echoed hollowly in the empty halls and disappeared. This castle had been empty for a long time.

_No goodness improve me_

The emptiness on the inside swallowed what was left too fast.

_No power on earth, if I can't love her_

Nothing left inside

_No passion could reach me_

Nothing left inside to find, to reawaken

_No lesson could teach me_

_How I could have love her and made her love me too_

No hope left to cherish, gone like light from the smothered candle.

_If I can't love her, then who?_

_Long ago I should have seen_

_All the things I could have been_

_Careless and unthinking, I moved onward_

_No pain could be deeper_

Why was he left behind when everything else disappeared, his heart, his life? The portrait was a cruel reminder, a knife in the side, reminding Rune of the dead possibilities.

_No life could be cheaper_

_No point anymore, if I can't love her_

They were doomed. This was their only chance, mustering away in the golden cage they had locked themselves. They sealed their fate. There was nothing left.

_No spirit could win me_

_No hope left within me_

_Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free_

_But it's not to be_

_If I can't love her_

_Let the world be done with me._

Only the light of the rose was left illuminating the silent grave of possibilities; even the moon hid behind a cloud and left the three knights forsaken.

o.O

"And, cut!" SilverCat appears from nowhere and waves her arms commandingly, effectively killing the emo moment faster than…well, you fill in the blank.

"Hey, you can't just appear and yell cut! This is our lives here!" Kitchel yells indignantly from offstage.

"Yes I can, because I am the authoress, and that was the end of act one!" SilverCat replies in a no nonsense tone. "Now, if you would all exit the auditorium for intermission that would be wonderful. Please deposit all trash in the receptacles provided at the front and rear of the auditorium. The lights will come on in a moment, please wait for them to turn on fully to avoid any accidents. And while you're up, please visit our refreshment stand for some of our wonderful carbonated, flavored sugar water guaranteed to give you cavities and cost you a lot of money at your next dentist appointment, and our stale, oil-that's-flavored-like butter-ed popcorn. Enjoy your intermission, and we'll see you at the beginning of act two!" SilverCat hops off of the stage and disappears into the back of the auditorium that the characters can all suddenly see, and turns on the lights, revealing a pit band that is laying down instruments and exiting the theater.

"What the heck?" Rath scratches his head as he peers over Rune's shoulder. "What is going on?"

"AGH!" Rune yells, jumping about a foot in the air and coming down yelling. "Would you PLEASE stop doing that randomly appearing thing? It's freaky!"

Alfeegi stalked in, dragging Ruwalk with him as he sought out Lykouleon and started in on a lecture about letting random hooligans into the castle, and he was WAY too lenient, and what the heck was he even thinking? Besides which, wasn't this going to cost way more money that the budget allowed?...

Has chaos engulfed the DK cast?

Has the authoress gone completely insane?

WHAT is with this plot twist (that's technically a little aside, like a tiny side story with no meaning to the actual plot that you sometimes find at the end of a manga instead of the information that will satisfy your craving for the knowledge of what happens after the author leaves you on a cliff hanger…)

WELL…

…you have to come back after intermission to find out what happens.

o.O

A/N: It may be a while until the next chapter is posted, but I hope you'll stick with me. Comments and questions and helpful criticisms are always helpful.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hi there everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting, and I have to apologize for keeping you waiting a bit more. However, in the meantime, I hope you enjoy this next chapter, which has very little to do with anything but is still oh, so significant. Read on if you dare. XD

Now, does anyone know why I keep wanting to type greased lighting?

o.O

When Rune staggered back through the auditorium doors and slumped into one of the newly conjured chairs that he had decided were figments of his imagination, he found that a giant screen had been conjured as well and this weird person SilverCat was hooking up a projector. Well, she was until he sat down, as covered with cookie crumbs as he was...she had then turned on him, yelling about making a mess everywhere. He retorted rather snappishly about how Thatz plus Kitchel plus him unwittingly taking the last cookie had created somewhat of an uproar, throwing in the fact that if this was the way she acted about a little mess she shouldn't venture outside until Alfeegi was finished alternately yelling at random people and cleaning up 'this insufferable mess'.

Scarcely had Rune's quiet time begun however when the doors back into the auditorium place that Rune had almost convinced himself were figments of his imagination burst open and the rest of the dragon, demon, and other clans flooded back in. "Whoa, what's this?" Kitchel, still holding what's left of the last cookie, pointed at the screen. "Sit down and I'll show you," SilverCat answered, and Kitchel hopped into a chair. The lights dimmed, and a film began to be projected onto the screen.

5...4...3...2...1...beep!

A shot of Nadil on screen caught everyone's attention. The demon lord appeared to be standing a beat up, junky old 50's style car. This was not what drew their attention. The demon lord also appeared to be singing.

"Why this car is automatic..."

Shydeman: "systematic,"

Fedelta: "Hyyyyyyydromatic,"

An idea hit the Demon Lord. "Why this car is Greased Lightning!"

Behind him, Fedelta and Shydy slapped hands and agreed, "Greased Lightning!"

What happened next, no one really knows. Some may tell you that it was hysterically funny. Some will tell you that it was embarrassing. Some may not be able to tell you anything, due to their wiping the entire incident from their memories in hopes of regaining some semblance of sanity. However, the words: "Go greased lightning you're burning up the quarter mile (greased lightning, go greased lightning)" will never again be the same.

Let's just say that this is a permanent black mark against the Demon Lord.

"Hey, where's the remote to my projector?!" Cat jumped up and started searching for the remote as if she'd dropped it. Nadil, however, cackled and pointed the small rectangle of plastic (which fascinated Kharl) at the machine. "Watch and weep, Lykouleon…"

The picture on the screen bent and fast-forwarded, landing on a scene of the Dragon Lord and his Queen. The little date in the bottom right hand corner showed that this was a little over a week old. The tune, which was happy and carefree, most certainly did not affect the White Dragon Officer, who realized at once that this is what must have been happening that day when he came up short in the Palace treasury AGAIN and couldn't find the Lord to complain. As a stress mark began to tick on his forehead, the people on the screen behind him continued to sing.

Lykouleon: "I think they meant it, when they said you can't buy love,"

Raseleane: "Now I know you can rent it, a new lease you are my love…"

Both: "On life, be my life…I've longed to discover, something as true as this is…"

A dark shape loomed against the screen; perhaps one of the most terrifying shapes in the world…Alfeegi's shadow. All at once, the dreaded event occurred. "I've longed to discover something too, milord!" he began shrieking. "ALL I WANT IS FOR PEOPLE TO TELL ME WHEN THEY TAKE MONEY FROM THE TREASURY!!! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A LITTLE STRUCTURE AROUND HERE?! NOW I FIND THAT THE MONEY YOU ASSURED ME WENT TO KEEPING THATZ FED WAS USED FOR A MUSIC VIDEO! DO YOU KNOW HOW MAD THE AMBASSADOR FROM MEMPHIS WAS WHEN I HAD TO RESCHEDULE HIS MEETING WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE NO WHERE TO BE FOUND?"

Rath rather felt relieved, 'Glad it's not me this time…' but Thatz felt stiffed. "What, you spent money you could have spent on food (or Treasure!) On this?"

Somehow Alfeegi was gently subdued and convinced to sit back down (by Mr. DuctTape…) and another clip began to roll. For most, if not all concerned, it was pure agony.

Shydeman: It's hard to believe, that I couldn't see… you were always right beside me!

Shyrendora: Thought I was alone, with NO ONE to hold, but you were always right beside me!

If ever there was a sensation like one's eardrums bursting from the sheer horror of any one sound, Tetheus personally felt, this would be it.

"I can't tell if the fact that neither of them should ever sing again or the fact that its SHYDEMAN and SHYRENDORA dancing around up there that scares me more…" Kaistern mused aloud, while Ruwalk nearby was struggling with nausea.

Shydeman: strikes a pose This feeling's like no other!

Shyrendora: I WANT you to KNOW!!!

Both: jazz squares I've never had someone who knows me like YOU DO…the way YOU DO!! I've never had SOMEONE as good for me as YOU, no one like YOU! SO LONELY BEFORE I FINALLY FOUND WHAT I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR…Skipping away doo doo doot doot doo doo doot doot doo doo, whoa whoa whoa whoa… ending pose

Audience: ……………..o.O……………….

Lykouleon remarked quietly around stifled laughter, "That's it. I'm never going to be able to take them seriously ever again. I'm just going to break out into laughter next time they invade or something…"

The next section of film showed snowfall before zooming in on a window, where Bierrez stood, moping glumly. "It's Christmas ... baby, please come home…" he told a picture, which, when zoomed in upon, showed Cesia. "The snow's comin' down, I'm watchin' it fall, Lots of people around, Baby, please come home…They're singin' 'Deck the Halls', But it's not like Christmas at all, I remember when you were here…And all the fun we had last year…"  
A flying tackle in the first row redirected most people's attention as Bierrez tried to spare himself humiliation by gaining control of the remote. Only a breathy voice from above (aka the speakers) halted what might have been disaster. "Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you…that is how I know you go oooooooonn……"

Eyes half closed in an unexplainable emotion, Kharl crooned the overplayed ballad before a star lit background. "Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart must go on….." Rath jumped to his feet and pointed at the alchemist, who even now was singing with himself. "There! NOW will someone believe me? He's a STALKER I TELL YOU!" He launched himself at the hapless enchanter, screaming something that became undistinguishable after the word 'daddy-o'.

Cesia, who had been sitting next to the enraged Fire Knight, simply shook her head as she watched the rolling ball of fury, dust, and random other things kicked up by the dueling duo. "I'm never going to understan-whoa….." What she was never going to understand was lost as she recognized someone on the big screen.

Herself.

Wow that was really never supposed to be videotaped…a hand in the corner of the viewfinder grabbed a tree branch in a desperate attempt to not fall out of the tree as laughter momentarily blanked out the words being-sung-by the people on screen.

Rath: "Take me for what I am…who I was meant to be, and if you give a damn- Take me baby, or leave me!"

On screen, Cesia began to reply back angrily to the Fire Dragon Knight, who was currently dancing on a table top in the Great Hall (Cernozura: 'Now I know how those footprints got there…I was afraid to ask before…') as the Real Life Cesia buried her red face in her hands in embarrassment. "Hey wait a minute…that hand looked like Kaistern's!"

Kaistern: waves awkwardly, then bolts for door

"Now its time for the Clip Show!" a happy voice called out, and in quick succession the following scenes were flashed on screen:

Alfeegi and Reema: "Who can say if I've been changed for the better…but because I knew you, I have been changed for good…" Tears sparkled on each of their faces as they sang together, mirrored by the tears on the White Dragon Officer's face as he plotted revenge on whoever shot this video clip.

Thatz: (La Vie Boheme tune) To days of inspiration, eating cookies, finding treasure (almost nothing), the need for expresso and jello pudding! To going for ice cream, eating French cuisine, getting faaaat…

Kitchel: incredibly out of tune When I meet the black dragon officer, my whole life will change, cause once you're with the black dragon officer, no one thinks you're strange…

Audience: 'on the contrary…'

"And all of Dusis HAS to love you when by Tetheus you're acclaimed…and this gift or this curse I have inside this bag , maybe at last I'll know why when I give it to the Dragon Lord and meet the Black Dragon Officer……

Rune and Tintlett: in forest Can you sing with all the colors of the mountain, can you paint with all the colors of the wind? Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest…

Offscreen:

Thatz: I dunno about the colors of the wind, but –hoo boy- if you could see the colors of Rune's FACE…

Onscreen:

Cesia: What is this feeling, so sudden and new?

Rath: I felt the moment I laid eyes on you

Tintlett: My pulse is rushing

Lim Kaana: My head is reeling

Tintlett: My face is flushing

Nadil and Lykouleon at each other: What is this feeling?

Alfeegi to Kaistern (after finding more missing funds): Fervid as a flame…does it have a name

All: yes…LOATHING! Un-a-dulterated LOATHING!

Fedelta: For your face

Saabel: Your voice

Fedelta: Your clothing

All: Let's just say, I loathe it all! Every little trait however small makes my very flesh begin to crawl, with simple utter loathing! There's a strange exhilaration, in such total detestation, it's so pure, so strong! Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last and I will be loathing, LOATHING you my WHOLE LIFE LONG!

A sputtering is heard, and the film of horror and despair comes to a grinding halt. "FINALLY!" Garfakcy cries, holding the pair of scissors with which he just cut the ribbon of film, "It's over!"

Cat launches herself at the puny human to revenge the death of her masterpiece as Thatz, still not over the whole "Colors of the Wind" incident starts torturing Rune mercilessly. Rune, spying his old friend the 'Insubordination Rope', gives the rope a good tug, which brings the 500lb weight down on himself, not Thatz.

Ouch.

Alfeegi stalks around, looking for the Dragon Lord in order to complain about having this all videotaped, and grabs a random person he thinks is the Dragon Lord and commences screaming in their face about the indignity of it all.

Wrong person, Alfeegi. That's a demon.

Oops.

And the whole party ends up a giant mess of popcorn.

o.O

Well, thanks for sticking around for the INTERMISSION! Hopefully, the next Act will be up soon, so stay tuned!

Sorry about the time between updates, but as you can see, writing can be hazardous to your health. shifty eyes Now, I must time my retreat so that Alfeeg-

Alfeegi: Hands on hips so that I what?

Cats: o.O Uhhhhh…….gottagobye! scrams

o.O


End file.
